Page 43 of Red Velvet

It seems like his voice is coming from very far away, reaching my ears like muffled sounds underwater.

Let what happen?Let what go?

I wish I could ask, that I was able to build coherent sentences or to even form words of any kind, but I'm mute aside from the beastly sounds that escape my shivering lips while I endure his handling.

I can no longer distinguish the respective tails of the flogger as they kiss my body. They’ve turned into an entire flaming area, tormenting me with their hot bites. My vision turns red, even behind closed eyes. There’s nothing left but sweet, sweet torment, pushing aside everything else, everything that could be, everything I could see or think.

Never in my life have I experienced such dire agony, such helplessness and desperation.

Why am I doing this to myself?Why did I ask for this?

I didn't expect to find answers to my harried questions, but a moment later, the need to question no longer troubles me.

My muscles relax as the tension leaves my body, step by step, limb by limb. I thought it was weakness at first, sheer exhaustion from enduring the torment I was receiving, but I soon realize it's something else.

It's like a door opening, inviting me to a place where there is no pain, no fear, no inflaming grief from being brutally hit with several leather strings at once. I follow the voice that calls from behind that door, moving closer to a cloudy place full of sweet promises and reaching for the hand stretched out to me.

I'm floating, my body losing its weight while I follow the path of reassuring bliss that’s opened before me. I don't question, don't wonder, don't doubt—I just give in. I don't have to worry about where I'm going. I'm not the one deciding, I'm just following, guided by an invisible force that wants nothing but the best for me.

What is this place? Where did the pain go? Is he still whipping me? Am I still with him?

As soon as the questions start popping up, I regain consciousness of my senses, pain shooting through my wrists as my legs give and my body is called to the floor.

I feel his hands on me, holding me in one arm while the other hand fiddles with the cuffs around my wrists. I groan, mourning the end of my short-lived elation as my mind and body drift away from that heaven I was invited into.

My feet are still tied to the cross, and I grimace in pain as my legs twist when my upper body is no longer held up by my wrists. I know Kade's there, and I know he's taking care of me, but I have no idea how he's doing it. He's still holding me, supporting me while his other hand finds the cuffs around my ankles. It only takes moments before my legs are freed from the cross, the cuffs still closed around my legs when he picks me up and I'm floating again, this time in his strong arms.

I'm still howling, still chanting my anguished song, though lacking the affliction that first caused it.

There's no pain, no fiery stings biting into my ass. Nothing.

And I fucking miss it.

Chapter 22

Lila

I'm reminded of my earlier agony when we reach the bed and he lowers me to the soft surface ass-first. A shocked cry fills the room, and while the impact and the accompanying anguish resemble what I endured during the flogging, it does completely different things to me.

The former put me into a heavenly daze, welcomed me to paradise, hugged me in warm clouds of quiet delight.

It hijacked me to a better place.

This sharp ache did the exact opposite by forcing me back to reality, back into the dark room where it all happened. I'm not lying on the bed with my full weight yet because he's still holding me in his arms, but the pain is real nonetheless.

He meets my grimace with a soft smile, barely visible in the dark red light the room is bathed in.

"Are you okay?"

I don't know how to respond to his question.

Am I okay? I don't know. How am I supposed to know?

"Can you move?"

A quiet nod is all I can manage.

"Good. Turn on your belly."

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