Page 56 of Blue Velvet

“I took a leap of faith for us,” she says. “Don’t you think it’s time for you to do the same?”

I nod. “You’re right.”

She sighs when I let go of her, her eyes following me as I pace around the living room, rubbing at my temples, consumed with heavy and confusing thoughts.

I can’t go on like this. I know I can’t.

She knows that, too, but I know she’s referring to more than that I’m busted.

I could just let her go. I could give her her things back, remove everything connecting her to me, strip her of the things I’ve done to her, drive her back home to the city, so she can have her her old life back. I could pay her a substantial amount of money to keep her mouth shut, the same amount she would have received if she’d actually completed the assignment with her client. Or more.

That would be the simple and most obvious solution to all of this.

Problem is, I don’t want that.

I don’t want to let her go.

32

Ruby

I can see him battling.He’s pacing up and down the living room like a caged tiger, trying to figure out how to solve his dilemma. There’s only one way I’d expect him to do it, one way that I’m hoping for, but he needs to get there on his own.

“You know things have changed,” I repeat, watching him from across the room. “You can’t ignore that.”

“I’m not ignoring anything,” he says. “I know my brother won’t let this go. I know this is over.”

My heart sinks. “This is over?”

He stops mid-pace, capturing my eyes with his. His short hair is ruffled and his face strained.

“You know what I mean,” he says. “I can’t keep you here any longer, despite what you told him. I’m busted. I have to let you go.”

I sigh, my shoulders sinking as the weight of sadness sets in. Why is he being so stubborn?

He looks at me, pained by the dilemma that’s tearing him apart from the inside out.

“I don’t want to let you go,” he says. “I really don’t fucking want to do that.”

“You don’t have to let me go,” I whisper, hoping that he gets the meaning behind my words.

I approach him with quick, confident steps, a firm decision carrying me to him. He looks at me quizzically, freezing when I come to a halt in front of him. Our eyes meet, and I take a deep breath before I reach for the leash that’s attached to the collar around my neck, and hand it over to him.

“I want you to be in control. I need you to exert control over me, just as much as you crave my submission,” I say in a low voice, as his hand slowly closes around the end of the leash. “I have no desire to pull the rug out from under your feet, master. No matter what happens, I will never tell anyone about this. I will not go to the police, and I will not destroy your life. I will not destroyourlife.”

His eyes widen in cautious relief and he sighs.

“Why wouldn’t you, though?” he asks. “After all I’ve done to you...”

“You know why,” I say.

Our eyes lock, unspoken words hovering between us as the silence grows and stretches.

“You can trust me,” I say.

“I know,” he says. “I know I can trust you, and I want to. I’m just not sure if I can trust myself.”

He gently pulls at the leash, beckoning me to come closer.

---