Page 69 of Violent Hearts

My voice breaks, as I can't bring myself to say the words. The thought that he has done these things with other women before me, that he has been just as intimate with them as we are together… it simply hurts too much to give voice to it.

"It's okay," Jared says, squeezing my hand in his.

"I didn't tell him anything or even acknowledge his ridiculous accusations or anything, you have to believe me."

He smiles at me, and it’s a somber smile.

"I believe you, Button," he says. "I truly do. I trust you."

My heart stings at the impact of his words.

He trusts me.

"Why did he say those things?" I want to know. "Is it true? I mean, the part about there being rumors about you?"

He takes a deep breath and evades my eyes, nervously playing with his fingers before he continues speaking.

"There's something you don't know about me," he says. "And I guess it is time to tell you, if only to have you better prepared for the next time this happens."

I hold my breath.

"When we're home," Jared adds in a whisper. "I'll tell you everything once we get home. I may need a drink for this."

I nod. "Sure."

It felt good to tell him. Paper may be the most patient listener, but it fails to provide the comfort that honest communication can provide.

But my heart is still heavy with guilt. I'm torn between feeling relieved and feeling like the biggest traitor on Earth.

Because I haven't told him everything. There's one particular detail about my encounter with that guy Stewart that I kept to myself. No, two things, actually.

First, I didn't tell Jared about the offer I received. I didn't tell him that Stewart has a lot of power and money behind him. If what he said is true, he's way more than just an average freelance reporter. He offered me money to sell my inside story about the most private aspects of Jared's life, a lot of money, an amount bigger than what I'm promised for my current contract.

An amount that was hard to say decline.

I know I have the kind of private details that Stewart is after. Beginning with the fact that Jared bought me to be his personal call girl, to the things he did with me, to the things he tried to do with me but failed to go through with. I could lie. I could turn all of this into a fucking gold mine for myself and never have to worry about money ever again. If I played my cards right, I could make a fortune that trumps Jared's offer by far.

I have the words for it, pages and pages full of notes and anecdotes of what has happened between us since I moved in with Jared. I could sell all of it.

But I can't tell Jared about this offer.

And I also can't tell him that Stewart gave me his business card, and that I not only took it, but kept it.

I just don't understand why I did it.

Am I actually considering this?

Could I really be that evil?

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