Page 52 of Violent Cravings

"Forget it," I say. "This is not about her."

That's an outrageous lie, and he knows it. But – luckily for him – he doesn't call me out on it.

"Have you been looking?" he asks instead. "For a new one, I mean."

I nod. "Yes, I've started."

"At the agency?"

"Yes, at the agency," I snarl. "Seriously, Lemon, stay out of this. Just trust me."

He raises his eyebrows, tilting his head to the side as he contemplates his next words. I know this all very fascinating to him. An agency that sells high-class escorts, presented in a catalog and made to order, depending on the client's preferences. Lemon is as vanilla as a man can be, secure in a long-term relationship with his wife, who's finally carrying their first child. They've been trying to conceive for quite a while, and even I was able to sincerely offer my congratulations when it finally happened. Lemon is a good man, an innocent man, very careful and secure in everything he does. In many aspects, he's the exact opposite of me, which is why he makes such a good partner.

"I do trust you," he says eventually. "But I also worry. Like I said, last year, you-"

"You're imagining things," I interrupt him again. "I was fine last year, and I will be fine again this year. You have nothing to worry about, especially not when it comes to this acquisition."

I pause for a moment, my gaze locking onto his.

"You know I'd never jeopardize business," I add, my words strong and underlined with candor.

He nods, holding my gaze.

"Yes, I know," he says, but he doesn’t sound convinced.

He gets up from his chair, breathing noisily as he hoists his weight up. Maybe I should be more worried about him. He has put on a lot of weight since the announcement of his wife's pregnancy.

"Just find a new one," he says, as if it was that simple. "And be sure to stick to the catalog this time."

I huff. "Get your ass back to work."

He winks at me, and I watch as he leaves the office and the heavy door closes behind him.

Lemon is a smart man, but he still makes it easy to lie to him, almost too easy. It's true that I've started to browse through the agency's catalog, but I still couldn't be further from finding anyone who arouses my interest.

In fact, I've even considered skipping this year's retreat. After all, I'm not obliged to do this, no one is forcing me to play with a girl who fails to make me happy.

But I wonder if skipping altogether could turn out to be even more dangerous than sleeping with someone who took as much from me as Laura did?

Every time I recall her face, her body, her voice, I find myself yearning, longing, for something I can't have. Not anymore. I haven't felt this way in a long time, and I'm beginning to doubt my self-imposed rules again.

Would it really be so bad?

Would it really be such a dumb idea to have her again?

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