Page 84 of Violent Cravings

Epilogue

Laura

~ Six months later ~

Things went fast with us. Maybe it was because we had a whole year of suffering between our first and second dates. Maybe it was because both of us couldn't endure the thought of having to spend any more time apart after all that had happened between us.

Maybe it was because we didn't know any other way.

Or maybe it's just because it's right for us.

I moved in with Ryan after we had our heart to heart talk in front of his fireplace. He didn't want me to leave, and I didn't want to go. Why fight something when it feels so right? And let's face it, I didn't really have anywhere to go. There was nothing and no one waiting for me back in California. Of course, Layla had been worried sick about me when I didn't come back after a couple of days as promised. My phone was flooded with calls and texts from her when Ryan gave it back to me, but she was calmed down easily enough when I called her that night.

I managed to get him to talk to his assistant that same night, and I helped him pick up the pieces from the chaos that his sudden disappearance had caused. There was still more work that had to be done, but it could be postponed until the next day.

We had settled things with the outside world for the moment, and once that part was over with, Ryan and I sat down for a long dinner, the first we shared outside the velvet room, the room that used to be my prison.

He was scared, and so was I, but we both felt safe with each other.

I had no idea what I was doing, and I only realized the severity of his problems when I saw him struggling to face them. He wanted to turn away from everything and bury himself inside of me, seeking solace in my closeness. It wasn't easy to help him through it, but it was all the more rewarding when I realized that I was actually helping him. I saw him rise up again, and I knew that I was responsible for it.

I felt needed, and I liked it a lot.

He still needs me, but there's no longer that hungry desperation that almost destroyed us.

We focused on his company's acquisition in the weeks that followed. Ryan was reluctant to let me help as much as I wanted to, but he couldn't fight me off when I offered to help him organize the things he had turned his back on. After a few days, I joked that I had become his new secretary because there were times when I was better informed about his schedule and dealings than he was.

Even after such a short time, Lemon often preferred to talk to me instead of with Ryan himself, mainly because I didn't answer to him with the same annoying demeanor that Ryan likes to exhibit, but also because I was doing a pretty good job at organizing things that, until a few weeks ago, I knew nothing about and had been an absolute mess.

"Maybe this could actually be my job," I mused one night, while lying in Ryan's arms after an intensive play session. I was covered in sweat, wearing nothing but the collar and the leather handcuffs that he still loves for me to wear. I take all of it off once we leave the basement room, but my heart jumps with excitement every time he puts them on me, especially the collar. I love the feeling of being his, the feeling of being owned.

The feeling of belonging somewhere. And to someone.

He shook his head at the suggestion and brushed it off.

"No, my doll," he said. "You've been a big help to me, but you need something of your own. Besides, you don't want to work for me. I hear it's pretty stressful. Just ask Lemon if you don't believe me."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure he could tell me a few things," I admit. "But he's stayed with you, even so. It can't be that bad."

Nevertheless, Ryan insisted.

"You said it yourself, doll, your journey isn't done yet," he said. "You found your place next to me, but you still need to find your place outside of us."

And he was right. I shouldn't be his secretary or personal assistant when there were still things out there that I wanted to do for myself, like I knew there was.

College, for example.

It always bothered me that I never finished my degree. I know it would bother my mother as well, because it was disrespectful toward her. She'd fought so hard for me to be able to go to school. She even tried to stop me from coming to care for her when her condition worsened. I haven't been to her grave since the day I buried her, and I know why.

Because I feel like I've let her down.

Money was always what kept me from going back to school, but now I'm in the privileged position of no longer having to worry about that. I didn't want to go back to California, and there was no reason to when there are so many good colleges where I now lived.

I applied to a lot of them, but only received rejections.

Until today.

Today was the first time I opened acceptance letter from one of my top favorite schools. Ryan suggested that we celebrate, even though I'm not sure yet if this is where I will actually go in the end because I’m still awaiting replies to some of my applications.

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