Page 81 of Violent Cravings

I pause for a second, noticing that Laura is tilting her head and casting me a questioning look.

"I was still in college back then, just about to graduate," I explain. "I almost fucked that up because of Sandria."

"What happened?"

"Pretty much this," I say, gesturing toward her. "I fell into a rage every time she left me. I hated the idea of her being with other people and not with me. I wanted to own her, completely, all of her. She needed to be with me at all times – so I could fuck the living hell out of her and possess her entirely."

I pause, averting my eyes from hers.

"That's the kind of man I am. I kidnapped her, and then I locked her up, just like I did with you. She wanted to leave, but I didn't let her. I made her mine, my captive, and I tried to control who she was. She said she loved me and wanted to be with me, but once I stole her freedom away from her, she began hating me."

Laura shifts in her seat, visibly uncomfortable at hearing my story. But I can't stop now. She asked to hear it, she wanted me to be honest with her. So I am.

"Everything fell apart around me. People were searching for Sandria, I was missing exams at school, the college was close to expelling me, but I didn't waste a thought on it. All I could think about was her, fucking her, owning her. My cravings were insatiable. No matter what I did, I always wanted more. My brain was incapable of functioning. I have no idea what would have happened if they hadn't found her."

"They?" Laura asks.

"The police," I say. "They stormed my home because the neighbors heard a woman screaming. It's as simple as that. Back then, I wasn't the man I am today. I didn't have all of this. I just lived in a studio apartment, barely getting by while finishing school and building my startup – both of which I almost screwed up because of my addiction."

„But you didn‘t,“ Laura says softly, touching my arm. "You recovered."

"I just managed to catch myself," I interject. "They forced me into therapy, but I doubt that helped as much as everybody wants to believe. What really helped was my plan, the rules I set for myself. I had a lot of energy, a lot of ideas, and I put all of that into Onyx. Growing this empire gave me a different kind of satisfaction and it silenced the greedy monster inside of me, for a while at least. By the time I was seeing real success and living comfortably, I felt strong enough to feed my cravings again, but only in small doses."

I snort, feeling like an idiot now that I look back on all of it.

"I mean, I learned something about myself back then," I say. "I know what I'm like, and I know that I can't get attached to a woman ever again because I can't handle the obsession that comes with it. That's why I came up with this system, spending one intense night with a girl once a year, a different one each year. I tried to keep it safe and structured by buying escorts, girls that were pre-selected for me by an agency. This way, the rules would be clearly laid out upfront for everyone involved. The high price was just another way for me to keep my distance while still feeding my cravings."

Laura swallows hard, and I can tell that she's fighting to hold back tears. I hate seeing her like this. I hate that I'm responsible for her pain.

But I don't regret telling her all of this. I feel relieved and confident that it was the right thing to do. No matter what comes of it, I’ve shared my biggest secret, a part of myself that even my closest friend and personal assistant Lemon only knows very little about.

"I had a lot of precautions in place to make sure that what happened with Sandria wouldn't happen again," I say. "But I broke my own rules, starting with the fact that I asked you to be mine."

"Because I'm not a whore," she says in a low voice.

"Yes."

"And because you asked to see me again," she adds.

"Yes," I agree. "And other rules. You made me cast all of them aside. I wanted you more than protecting my sanity. And I underestimated you."

She smiles without looking at me. It's a somber smile, but a smile nonetheless. She feels flattered.

"Well, this is not exactly what happened with Sandria back then, though," she says, surprising me. "First, you never kidnapped me. I came here of my own free will."

I chuckle. "Well, yes, but-"

"And second, I don't hate you," she adds, interrupting me.

I look at her and am met with a smile that I didn't expect. She looks strangely light-hearted considering what I just told her.

Is she mocking me?

"When I told you that you should be scared of me, I meant it, doll," I say. "I'm a psycho, an addict, a lunatic who lost control and-"

"You're focusing on all the wrong things, master," she cuts me off again. "What happened back then is scary, terrible, and yes, I admit, it was hard listening to it. But things are different now. You are different."

She pauses, her hands tensing around the mug she’s still holding in her lap.

"You're a different man than you used to be," she adds. "And I'm a different woman than that Sandria girl."

She's nervous, a slight trembling taking hold of her as she braces herself to continue.

"You're my master, and I'm your doll," she finally whispers, now locking her green eyes on mine with determined clarity.

"And I think I can help you."

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