Page 80 of Violent Cravings

Chapter 45

Ryan

My doll is sitting next to me on the sofa. She is wrapped in one of my cashmere sweaters that‘s way too big for her slim frame, and she has her long legs curled up underneath her. She blows softly on the steaming cup of cocoa she’s holding in her hands, her eyes fixated on the crackling fire burning in the fireplace. It's been a while since I've used that fireplace, or actually even sat in front of it. And I've certainly never experienced this scene with one of my previous girls.

But Laura is more than just one of the girls. She is different on so many levels that I'm truly beginning to fear the impact she holds over me.

Or maybe I'm loving it.

I regard her in cautious anticipation, unsure what's going to happen next. We haven't spoken much since coming down tot he living room, and I couldn't think of anything to do other than to offer her a hot drink, so she could warm up while we talked.

Talking has never been my strong suit, not when it comes to these types of things anyway, personal things.

"Why did you come back for me?" she asks out of the blue. Her eyes remain focused straight ahead of her on the fireplace.

I'm startled by her question. Shouldn't the answer be obvious?

"Because I wanted to see you again. I needed to have you again."

"Have me," she repeats, her voice low and contemplative. She throws me a quick glance from the side. "When we first met, you said you don't date and you never see a girl again after spending one night with her."

She pauses.

"Because that's how it has to be," she adds, mimicking my words in a deep-sounding voice.

"That's how I've been doing things for years, yes," I say. "And it has worked pretty well for me."

"Why, though?" she presses. "Why did it have to be like this? And why did you come back for me?"

I shrug, sinking lower into the cushions of the couch next to her, as she continues to watch me.

"I had to come up with a way of protecting myself... and protecting others," I explain. "But you crushed that system."

Her face is unreadable, but her eyes remain centered on me, waiting for me to continue speaking.

I take in a deep breath, bracing myself to finally say the words that I've been afraid to say to her – or to anyone, for that matter – for so long.

"I'm an addict. A sex addict. I can't fuck or love like a normal person. I get obsessed with the one I’m with, and I’m consumed by cravings I can't control."

I pause, waiting for a reaction that doesn't come. Laura looks at me, calmly sipping her cocoa. She contemplates me over the steam rising from her mug, waiting for me to say more.

"Something like this has happened before," I continue. "Years ago. I was wild as a young man, fucking my way through life with a new girl almost every night. Always chasing a new skirt. It consumed me, it was my identity, and it took control over everything I was, and for a while it was my only ambition in life. Control, possession, conquering and fucking a new girl as often as I could.“ He pauses and hesitantly meets my gaze. "And then I met her. Her name was Sandria."

Laura inhales audibly. It's the first time she’s reacted since I started speaking. She looks hurt, her face contorting as if someone had poked her with a dagger. Is she disgusted by me? Or is she in pain?

Our eyes meet, and she waves me off.

"Go on," she says. "I need to hear this."

"I don't want to hurt you, doll."

She frowns, shaking her head.

"It's just jealousy, master," she says. "I'll survive."

She says it in such a matter-of-fact tone, it’s almost as if she's just stubbed her toe. Oh, it's just a little pain, nothing serious.

"I thought I was in love," I say, continuing on with my shameful tale. „She made me forget about every other girl. I no longer felt the need to go out to hunt for the next one after I met her. All my cravings were focused on her now, and I couldn't get enough. Sadly, she also made me forget about everything else, too. My life, my schoolwork, my future."

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