Page 87 of Now or Never

“It’s mine,” I said, scooping the gun up and returning it to my purse.

“Is it real?”

“Yes.”

“I guess you need a gun in your line of work. Dog the Bounty Hunter carries a gun. He’s awesome. I don’t have a gun. That’s another reason why I can’t be a spy. All the best spies carry guns. Bautista had a whole suitcase full of guns and knives and stuff.”

“Who?”

“Dave Bautista. He won the WWE Championship twice, and the World Heavyweight Championship four times. And he made a movie where he was an undercover spy guy. He totally kicked ass. I could never be a spy like Bautista. He could do everything. He could even ice-skate. He’s even more awesome than Dog.”

Gina Pino brought a bag to Herbert. “Here’s your grilled cheese, and I gave you extra pickles. Make sure you eat it while it’s warm.”

“I’m going to eat it right away,” Herbert said. “And if it cools off, I’ll microwave it. It’s never the same when you microwave it but it’s still good.”

“You take care of yourself, honey,” she said to Herbert.

“You’re welcome to sit with us, if you want,” I said to Herbert.

“Gee, that’s nice of you, but I have to get someplace. I’m doing research on a new entrepreneurial project tonight.”

Morelli waited until Herbert was out the door before leaning in toward me. “There’s something wrong with him.”

“I know, but he sort of grows on you.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t know Bautista,” Morelli said. “He’s a legend. I have a Bautista action figure from WrestleMania. Anthony gave it to me for my birthday. And Bautista was Drax inGuardians of the Galaxy. Drax!”

So here’s the difference between men and women, I thought. Morelli remembers Bautista as Drax and I remember Chris Pratt dancing to “Come and Get Your Love.” Drax isn’t hot. Chris Pratt is smokin’. Enough said.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

I woke up Monday morning feeling fantastic. Everything had gone great with Morelli and now I had a little breathing room. No more stupid fibs. I looked at myself in my bathroom mirror and definitely saw a glow. No way to know the origin of the glow. Could have been from the seventeen-layer carrot cake drizzled with caramel sauce that I had for dessert at Pino’s. Or it could have been from the feeling of security I had waking up with my loaded gun on my night table next to the bed. Or I could be pregnant. Truth is that this morning it didn’t matter. A glow is a glow. I took a closer look and thought the glow was aided by the fact that I hadn’t washed my face before bed last night and I still had remnants of blush and Dior luminizer on my cheeks. Thank goodness the fire hadn’t touched the bathroom and my makeup stash had survived.

Lula and Connie were already in the office when I walked in.I bypassed the doughnuts and went for a second cup of coffee. On the way back from the coffee machine I weakened and grabbed a doughnut.

“What’s new?” Lula asked. “Did you have a good weekend?”

I didn’t know where to begin. “I guess it was good,” I said. “I got another fruit basket from Jug.”

“That’s nice,” Lula said. “He’s keeping in touch. Did he stick you with more pears?”

“No. It was a good basket. And then Grandma came over for dinner. And Herbert showed up. And then Zoran showed up.”

“Hold on,” Lula said.“What?”

“Yeah, Herbert opened the door and Zoran had a knife and he hissed at Herbert. And then Herbert started screaming and Zoran backed off and Herbert slammed the door shut and locked it. And then he fainted.”

“Holy shit,” Lula said.

Connie made the sign of the cross.

I decided to skip over the gangbangers and the shooting.

“Then on Sunday I spent some time with Ranger canvassing Stark Street, but nothing came of it,” I said. “And later, I went to Aunt Stella’s birthday party with Morelli.”

“Is she the one who put her cat in the oven?” Lula asked.

“Yes,” I said, “but she didn’t turn the oven on, so the cat was okay.”

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