Page 46 of Now or Never

“We walked up the stairs, you moron,” Lula said. “We came to see Mr. Jug. And I wanted to see his office because he’s a fruit tycoon, and I never met a fruit tycoon before.”

The fruit tycoon was wearing a giant baby bib over his dress shirt, and he was eating what looked like a big bowl of ice cream.

“A fruit tycoon,” Jug said. “That’s a good one. Let the ladies in. Maybe they’d like a picture with me.”

Lula gave me her cell phone and hustled over to Jug for her picture.

“Maybe we should take his bib off first,” Lou said.

There were four more men in the room. They all rushed over to get the bib.

“It’s peach ice cream,” Jug said. “I’m testing it out. We’re thinking of expanding our fruit business.”

“That’s real smart,” Lula said. “Everybody loves ice cream.”

“We have a lot,” Jug said. “They made a whole batch of it. Do you want some?”

“Sure,” Lula said. “I’d never pass up ice cream.”

“Get ice cream for the ladies,” Jug said.

“Your office is a lot more classy than the Oval Office in the White House,” Lula said. “I like that you have an oriental rug on your floor. It has a lot going on in it, and if you spill ice cream on it, you’d never notice.”

“My dog peed on it a couple times, and it soaked right in, and you couldn’t see it at all,” Jug said.

“You’re a smart man,” Lula said. “You know how to make good decisions about rugs and stuff.”

“You bet your ass,” Jug said. “That’s why I’m the boss. Right, Lou?”

“Right, boss,” Lou said.

A man handed bowls of ice cream to Lula and me.

Lula dug into her ice cream. “This is excellent,” Lula said. “It’s nice and creamy. And it tastes real peachy. You know what would be good in it? Chocolate chips.”

“Chocolate chips!” Jug said. “Of course. I knew it was missing something. It needs chocolate chips.” He turned to Lou. “Why didn’t you think of that?”

Lou shrugged. “I don’t think of things like that.”

“I came to talk to you about your court date,” I said to Jug. “I thought this would be a good time to get you rescheduled.”

“Why is this a good time?” Jug asked.

“Do you have anything better to do?” I asked him.

Jug looked at Lou. “Do I?”

“Yeah,” Lou said. “There’s the thing.”

“What thing?”

“The thing we always do on Thursday,” Lou said.

“Haircut,” one of the other men said. “You need a haircut.”

“And a massage,” Lou said. “You always like the massage.”

“It would be more fun to go with Stephanie and me,” Lula said to Jug.

---