Page 27 of Now or Never

“Overnight!” she shrieked. “No. That’s terrible. He hasn’t even finished his taco.”

“Hold on here,” Lula said. “Let’s all calm down a minute and consider things. Do you got dessert?” Lula asked Mrs. Fleck.

“Of course,” Mrs. Fleck said. “Chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream. It’s our tradition on Taco Tuesday.”

“Did you hear that?” Lula said to me. “Chocolate cake. It would be a shame for Eugene to miss having chocolate cake. Look at how skinny he is. And I bet he was thinking about having a second taco after he finishes the one he’s got. I bet we were all thinking about that.”

“There’s always next Tuesday,” I said.

“Yeah, but there might not be a next Tuesday if he gets a speedy trial and conviction,” Lula said. “Something like that’s never happened before in Trenton but you never know.”

“I’ve never been in jail overnight,” Eugene said. “It sounds scary. It would be great if you would let me stay home tonight and reschedule tomorrow. I swear, I’ll be at the courthouse first thing in the morning.”

“I wasn’t thinking of anything so drastic,” Lula said. “I was just thinking of not rushing through the meal with dessert and all. A night in jail isn’t that bad. I spent a bunch of nights in jail. They usually give you a Happy Meal. If you’re lucky it could even be a Big Mac. And you get a blanket, and you get to meet new people if you’re in the tank. Sometimes you even get to bunk withan old friend. When I was a ho it was like girls’ night out in the tank sometimes.”

Kevin did a nervous giggle and everyone else looked horrified. Even I was horrified. I went into damage-control mode, sucked in some air, and sat down.

“You’re absolutely right,” I said to Eugene. “There’s no reason why we can’t all enjoy our tacos and reschedule you tomorrow.”

“Amen,” Lula said. “Could someone pass me the hot sauce?”

“That went well,” Lula said when we were back in the Trailblazer. “I was afraid for a minute there that it wasn’t gonna be our finest hour, but it turned around and turned out okay. This was a satisfying evening.”

“We didn’t apprehend Eugene.”

“No, but we got chocolate cake,” Lula said. “Sometimes you gotta go with the way fate evens things out.”

“What do you think the chances are that Eugene will show up tomorrow morning?”

“There’s a lot of things to take into consideration on that, but I’d say fifty-fifty.”

“I’m getting a bed delivered tomorrow. What do you think the chances are I’ll have the bed repossessed if I can’t make the minimum payment on my credit card because I didn’t apprehend Eugene?”

“They don’t usually repossess a bed. They’ll just put you in collection and ruin your credit score and make your life a living hell,” Lula said.

I drove to the office, dropped Lula off at her car, and drove home. Morelli was expecting me to spend the night with him but that wasn’t going to happen. Truth is, I would have loved to spendthe night with him. I missed him. I missed the easy comfort of being with him and Bob. Unfortunately, the easy comfort would turn into something more intimate, and that would be terrific but not good.

Rex was running on his wheel when I let myself into my apartment. I said hello and told him about the taco dinner party while I searched through the fruit basket. I found a bag of caramel-coated popcorn and gave some to Rex along with another slice of pear. I turned to go into the dining room and spotted Herbert Slovinski standing in my foyer.

“You didn’t lock your door,” Herbert said. “You should be more careful. Anybody could walk in. There are crazy people out there.”

“I always lock my door,” I said. “How did you get in and what are you doing here?”

“I was worried about you being constipated. After I sent you the flowers, I thought I should have sent you stool softeners instead. Or I should have sent you both. Are those my flowers in your kitchen? Do you like them? I didn’t know what flowers were your favorites. Some people don’t like lilies. Lilies are best if you cut their sex parts off. I know that sounds terrible, but I don’t think lilies mind. I see you have a fruit basket. That’s the best thing for constipation. I should have thought of that but it’s a good thing I didn’t since you already have one.” He stepped away from the door and looked into my living room. “This is the first time I’ve seen something that was firebombed. I thought there would be more damage… like a room that was gutted and charred black. Whoever did this probably was an amateur. I mean, if you’re going to firebomb something you should at least do a good job of it, right? It looks like your furniture didn’t even get burned.” He adjusted his glasses. “You haven’t got much furniture. I expected you would have more. You look like a more-furniture person.”

“This is new furniture. The fire was mostly contained in my bedroom and living room and none of the furniture survived.”

“Gee, that’s too bad. I could help you get furniture if you want. I have a lot of connections. I can get anything practically for free.”

“Thanks, but I have furniture ordered.”

“How about a television?” Herbert said. “I bet you don’t have a television ordered. I can have one here for you tomorrow. A big flat-screen. Where do you usually put your television? Not that it matters. I’ll get you a nice big console to go under it. Then you can hang it or put it on the console. Do you want one for your bedroom too? Lots of people like a television in their bedroom.”

“No. Really not necessary.” I looked down at my watch. “Gosh, look at the time. I need to be somewhere.”

“That’s too bad. I thought we could do something fun. Do you like Scrabble? I’m a Scrabble genius. I’m good at all board games. I always win at Monopoly. I have a whole collection of games. I even have Candy Land. I bet it’s been a while since you played Candy Land.”

“Yeah, forever,” I said, inching back to the door. “I hate to rush you out of here, but I’m already late.”

---