Page 75 of Now or Never

Ranger called. “Having a dinner party tonight?”

“Yes, but the vampire decided not to stay.”

“Can’t blame him with all that screaming.”

“Do you have a camera covering the parking lot?”

“Yes. We saw him leave but he disappeared before I could get a man on the scene. Are you okay?”

“Mostly.”

“My best to Grandma.”

I returned my phone to my pocket. “Ranger says hello,” I said to Grandma.

“Was that your fiancé?” Herbert asked me.

“Yes.”

“I thought it was Ranger on the phone,” Grandma said.

Mental head slap. “It was! Duh. Sorry, brain fog from all the drama.” I turned to Herbert. “That was Ranger. He owns Rangeman Security. The hall outside my apartment has video and audio surveillance and Rangeman monitors it.”

“My parents have a Ring doorbell,” Herbert said. “It’s awesome. It shows when people steal your delivery packages. And we keep getting notices about dogs that get lost.”

“It needs to give people notices about vampires,” Grandma said.

Herbert nodded. “I never believed in vampires before, but I believe in them now.”

“There’s lots of things we don’t know about,” Grandma said. “I wouldn’t be surprised if aliens from outer space landed here. That vampire could be one of them. Did you get a good look? Did he have pointy ears like Spock? Was his skin sort of greenish?”

“I didn’t notice any of that,” Herbert said. “I got a little flustered. I must have low blood sugar because usually, I’m a cool cucumber. I’m good in an emergency. Like if there’s a building on fire and there’s a cat inside that needs rescuing, I just go in and get it.”

“No kidding,” Grandma said. “You did that?”

“Not yet,” Herbert said. “The opportunity hasn’t come up.”

We helped Herbert get to his feet, and Grandma gave him a glass of wine.

“I’m not much of a drinker,” Herbert said. “As an entrepreneur I feel I should always be alert in case new opportunities arise.”

“This is a new opportunity to try out some wine,” Grandma said. “Did the vampire tell you his name?”

“No,” Herbert said. “He didn’t say anything, but he hissed at me. He looked surprised to see me at first and then when I startedscreaming, he got mad. He stuck his tongue out and made this hissing sound like a demon. It was freaky. I don’t like to think about it. Holy crap. I’m never going to be able to sleep tonight. Maybe I’ll have to sleep here.”

“No,” I said. “Not gonna happen.”

I had to give it to Herbert for his tenacity.

“The news I got was sketchy,” Grandma said. “They didn’t give out any names of the deceased or the bystanders.”

Thank you, Morelli and Jimmy. If my mother knew I’d walked in on a vampire with a fresh kill she’d have been dropping Xanax into her Big Gulp of whiskey. Bad enough that I had to live with it. And now I had Zoran at my door with a knife in his hand. My heart was doing backflips in my chest.

“Do you think we should call the police?” Herbert asked.

“No,” I said. “I think we should mash the potatoes.”

I figured this was like sex. Every now and then you run into a situation where it’s just best to fake it and move on. So, I dredged up some bravado and did my best impression of a kick-ass, cool-as-snot Jersey girl. I’ve got a raving lunatic vampire stalking me. Big deal. Bring it on. Holy shit. Who wants meatloaf?

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