Page 33 of On Your Knees

As I drive to Christopher’s house, my mind drifts back to the kiss shared between Benedict and me. The memory is vivid, electric, but it’s a line I can’t afford to cross again. I won't be the reason a priest loses everything he stands for.

I shake off the thought and refocus on where my priorities need to be: with Nate. His well-being comes first, always.

When I pull up to Christopher's house, I see Nate sitting on the front porch step, looking small and vulnerable. Christopher stands next to his Mercedes, his posture impatient, ready to bolt as soon as I take Nate off his hands.

“Hey there,” I say, stepping out of my car with a forced cheerfulness.

“Mommy!” Nate screams, bounding off the porch and leaping into my arms. His enthusiasm melts away some of my tension.

Christopher gives me a curt nod before sliding into his Mercedes and speeding off without a single word. I suppress a sigh, focusing on Nate.

I help Nate into his booster seat, making sure he’s secure, and place his backpack beside him. “Ready to go home?” I ask, emphasizing the word 'home' to make it clear that my place is where we belong, not Christopher’s.

Nate nods eagerly, his eyes shining with excitement. “Yes, Mommy!”

I close the door, taking a moment to breathe in the relief that comes from having Nate with me. As I drive away, I glance inthe rearview mirror and see him happily rummaging through his backpack. This is where my focus needs to be, not on past kisses or broken promises, but on my son and the life we’re building together.

Chapter 15

Benedict

There’s seriously something wrong with me. Like a need deep inside me that is rising to the surface with each passing day.

When I kissed Eva, I couldn’t help myself. Sure, I could have walked out of the room and went home and jerked off—again. I could have suppressed the longing and desire that’s bubbling through me more and more every day.

Sure, I could have done a lot of things.

Maybe if I wastrulya priest, I would have.

But I’m not.

I’m not a fucking priest.

I’m a man with needs and wants. And those wants aredark. When I’ve enjoyed women in the past there’s always a part of methat wanted more. A darkness that overtook me in the bedroom. Something that’s taking over me now every time I’m near Eva.

I want her.

It could blow my cover. It could blow everything if I pursue it.

So, as badly as the need to dominate her plays out in my mind, there’s no way I can ever act on that need.

“How’re things going?” Vin asks me as I sit in a pew of the church.

He’s sitting in front of me, and the place is empty. As my lead in this case, he’s got to check in on me every so often. Most times we communicate by phone, but with all the leaks in the department, we can never be too careful.

“Things are going okay. I’m kind of losing my mind,” I admit, the weight of my dual roles pressing down on me.

Vin bows his head, pretending to pray in case anyone walks into the chapel. We keep the church open for anyone who might need to say a prayer, but it’s usually deserted at this hour.

“I don’t envy you. It must be hard to act like a priest. I’ll give you credit where credit is due,” he says quietly.

I nod, even though he can’t see me. “I met someone,” I tell him, hesitant but needing advice.

“As in a woman?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Yeah,” I breathe out, feeling the gravity of my confession.

“Benedict, no. You can’t get involved while you’re working this case. The ramifications…” he trails off, the unspoken consequences hanging in the air.

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