Page 2 of On Your Knees

Christopher petitioned the court, requesting a psychiatric evaluation of me. Said I was losing my mind.

The second month, I wallowed in misery and cried myself into more debt than I could afford. Bills piled up and I could barely afford to put food on the table. So, I struggle. I make do. Barely.

And when it’s my turn to have my son every other weekend, I live for those days. It’s the only time I actually feel alive anymore.

Instead of going home, I head across town to talk to my lawyer about how I can help my chances of winning back custody.

With half my money directly to my lawyer, he should come to me. I’m convinced he doesn’t like me very much. I had to beg him to take my case because no one else would. Once they find out who my ex is, they turn me away. No one wants to go against the juggernaut of a lawyer that Christopher Matthews is.

I can’t believe I ever thought I loved him. Looking back, I realize how misguided I was by his charm.

I zone out while I drive, thinking about my mistakes. How Christopher lied to me time and time again. Should I have stayed? Could I have faked the perfect marriage for one second longer?

No, I couldn’t.

I couldn’t take the “love” taps. The betrayal. The lies. The other women. The way he tore down my self-esteem. But, knowing what I do now, I would have stuck it out longer if I could be with my son every day. However, I no longer have that choice. I'll never get a redo. No matter how many times I wish for it.

Beg for it.

Pray for it.

No one up there is listening to me.

I pull into my lawyer’s office complex and throw my car into park. Once I’m in Jack Stead’s office, his receptionist, Dora, gives me a fake smile.

She doesn’t like me either.

Let’s just say, I visit a lot.

But I always feel like there’s more I can do. I’ll never give up.

“I’ll let him know you’re here. He’s just finishing up a call.”

“Thank you.” I cross to the waiting area and take a seat in one of the club chairs. Christopher once told me that the color combination in his office was meant to soothe clients, but these moth-gray walls and blue furniture do nothing to calm the riot in my stomach.

After a few minutes, Dora ushers me into Jack’s office.

“Evangelina, welcome.” He leans back in his chair. “What brings you here today?”

“I went by Christopher’s house today.” He frowns. “I know what you’re thinking. I went by because Christopher asked me to drop off a bear of Nate’s.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “It’s aspecial one he’s had since he was born, and it’s usually at my house, but he wanted it because he missed me.”

My lawyer’s dark gaze softens for the first time. “I’m sorry. What happened when you got to Mr. Matthews’ house?”

“He wouldn’t let me see him, of course.”

He never lets me see him.

Jack nods. “Evangelina, there’s not much we can do.”

“I’m so tired of hearing that. Is there anything I can do to help my case along? I want to look perfect when we go in front of the new judge.” That’s one good thing this lawyer has done. He’s got me a new judge who apparently has no ties to Christopher, or so I hope.

“It’s not looking hopeful.” He smiles. “But don’t worry we can still win this thing. I was thinking, do you go to church?”

I blink at him. “Church?”

“Yeah, I think it might make you look better to the judge. Judge Hamptonson is a devout church goer.”

“I’m not really much of a church goer, but I’ll do anything to get my son back.”

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