Page 25 of On Your Knees

I nod with a genuine smile. “A big one. Let’s go, and Mommy will take your new coloring book and crayons home for you.”

“Can I take them to Daddy’s house?” Nate asks his mother, and I see Eva’s face fall flat at the question, the weight of their situation pressing down.

But she recovers quickly, her voice steady. “Sure thing.”

We head outside to the playground, and the afternoon light filters through the trees, casting a warm glow over the scene. Eva and I sit together on the swings, their gentle creaking the only sound besides Nate’s joyous shouts as he runs around us, going up and down the slide over and over.

“Thank you for this. You’re a good man,” Eva says, her voice sincere. A dark shadow passes over my face as I hear her words.

I’m not as good as she thinks I am. In fact, it wasn’t very long ago I was somebody completely different.

I watch Nate play, his laughter filling the air. Eva’s gratitude and trust only make my internal conflict more pronounced. I’m supposed to be a guide, a source of strength, but the feelings I have for her threaten to undermine everything.

I want to scream. I want to tell her who I really am. But she wants the priest to be her sounding board. Someone she can trust right now, so I stay in character.

“Eva, I want you to know that I’ll do everything in my power to help you and Nate,” I say, trying to reassure her while battling my own demons.

She looks at me, her eyes full of appreciation. “Thank you, Father. It’s been a long time since I felt like I had someone on my side.”

As the sun begins to set, casting long shadows across the playground, I feel a renewed sense of purpose. I’m here to help them, to provide the stability and support they need. No matter how difficult it may be, I must remain true to that mission.

Chapter 12

Evangelina

Sunday morning, bright and early, I get Nate ready to return to his father’s house. I hate watching him go back there. I hate everything about this situation. As I pack his things, I try to keep my emotions in check.

“Nate, did you have fun this weekend?” I ask, forcing a smile.

His face lights up with a brilliant smile. “I want to go to church with you, Mommy.”

I shrug, trying to hide my excitement. “I guess I can call Daddy and ask him.” I mean, it doesn’t hurt, right?

I pull out my phone, dreading this call. “Hey, Chris,” I say after he answers on the first ring.

“What is it, Eva?” He’s all business, as usual.

“Nate really wants to go to church with me this morning. I can drop him off afterward?” I phrase it like a question, trying to keep my tone neutral.

Nate starts chanting in the background, and I hold the phone out so Christopher can hear him. “Church. Church. Church.”

Christopher breathes heavily into the phone. “Fine. Whatever. Just have him at my place by three p.m.”

I smile brightly, feeling a rare sense of victory. “Thank you, Chris. We’ll see you then.”

Hanging up the phone, I turn to Nate with a big smile. “Daddy said yes.”

Nate cheers, jumping up and down. “Hooray! Daddy always says no to everything. I’m so happy he said yes for once.”

His words break my heart. I want to ask my son what all his father says no to, but I don’t want to pry. After reading many online single-parent forums, they always say not to talk badly about the other parent and not to use your child as an informant. So I bite my tongue and focus on the positive.

“Let’s get ready for church then,” I say, trying to match Nate’s enthusiasm. I pick out his best outfit, and he excitedly helps me with his shoes.

As we walk to the church, Nate skips beside me, his hand in mine. The morning sun casts a warm glow over everything, and for a moment, the world feels right. We arrive at the church, and Nate’s eyes widen with awe.

“Wow, look at all the people,” he exclaims.

I smile down at him, feeling a sense of peace wash over me. “Yes. And it’s a place where we all can feel close to God and each other.”

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