Page 20 of Grump and Grumpier

Jackie bites her bottom lip, her head turning briefly toward the open door of my office. “There are some exit interviews in the files. I’ll find those for you and you can read for yourself.”

“Okay, I’d appreciate that. It won’t make any sense to hire people if they’re just going to turn around and leave in a few months.”

Jackie nods, and though she’d been frowning at our topic of discussion a moment ago, suddenly she starts to giggle. Immediately, she lifts her hand to cover her mouth, as if what she’s laughing about is inappropriate, but her laughter persists.

“What’s funny?”

Shaking her head, she wipes a tear from her watering eyes. “I shouldn’t be laughing. I really shouldn’t.”

My curiosity builds as I give her a moment to compose herself. Finally, her voice low but full of merriment, she says, “The last HR manager, Josh, he liked to eat. He was always snacking. On what turnedout to be his last day here, Imani in customer service had brought in donuts for the office, and several of us were gathered in the break room enjoying the treats.

“Josh was in there, too. He was eating one donut, and he had another one on a plate, ready to take back to his office.” Jackie mimes this, holding an invisible donut to her mouth with one hand, and holding a plate with her other hand.

“Jansen came in just then, looking for his assistant, and when he spotted Josh, he barked out his name, startling Josh so much that he almost dropped the plate. The donut on the plate bounced up and luckily landed back where it belonged. Josh set both donuts down on a table while Jansen proceeded to give him a short but severe dressing down in front of everyone.”

I wince again, visibly this time, unable to imagine how embarrassing the man in front of everyone could have been called for. “What was it about?”

“Apparently, Jansen had tasked Josh with formalizing safety rules for the coffee shops, and Josh hadn’t met the deadline.”

“That’s it?”

“Maybe there was more he was unhappy with, because he had a lot of harsh things to say. So much so, that Josh quit on the spot, telling Jansen that today was going to be his last day. Jansen told himthat he could leave immediately, and Josh pushed past all of us and headed right out the door.”

“What was funny about that?” I’m trying to keep a neutral expression for Jackie’s sake, but inside, I’m cringing and keeping a tally of all the things that are wrong with the scene she described.

“As we were standing there stunned and silent—there were maybe ten of us in the break room—Josh came barreling back in. He grabbed his plate of donuts and then left again without saying a word to anyone.” Jackie erupts into another fit of giggles, shaking her head at the memory.

That is kind of funny even though the overall situation isn’t funny at all. “They must have been good donuts,” I say.

Jackie gets a faraway look in her eyes. “They were, actually.”

“All of the HR managers coming and going must be hard on you.”

“It’s not ideal, that’s for sure.”

“I’ll be sure to find a good replacement before my six months are over.”

“Your what? Six months?”

“Derek and Jansen didn’t tell you? I’m just here on a short-term basis.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry to be yet another manager coming and going, but that’s the arrangement.”

“We’ll, I’m sorry to hear that,” she says, her expression warm. “I like you already, Ana.”

“I bet you say that to all your HR managers,” I say, and we both crack up.

I eat my lunch in the break room, where I chat with the delicious-donut-buyer herself, Imani, and learn what things are like for her in customer service. Her department is shorthanded as well, but she doesn’t complain.

Derek and Jansen’s assistant, Gloria, comes in to make a fancy coffee as I’m leaving, but there’s no sign of the men themselves.

I spend a good portion of the afternoon looking through files, where I get an eyeful. The donut dasher was far from the first employee to leave without giving two weeks’ notice. Notably, there was an accountant whose only notice was to change his out-of-office message to “I am out of the office and don't plan on ever coming back.”

There are complaints about Jansen and Derek threaded through the files, things like “I don’t understand how men who do so much good can be such jerks” and “no amount of money is worth this stress.”

I definitely have my work cut out for me, and even though it’s daunting, it’s also a little bitthrilling. I think I can make a big difference here, if I can get some changes made at the top. The men are difficult, but surely they won’t be completely unreasonable when their business is on the line, right?

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