Page 25 of Forbidden Obsessions

My sobs and breath turn ragged. I can’t get enough air. Black and yellow stars dance at the edges of my vision. I succumb to the blackness, to the numb and hollow feeling flooding through my body, limb to limb.

I’m not sure how long I’m out, but I blink slowly. My eyes adjust to five sets of wide-eyes watching me with obvious alarm. “How long was I out?” I ask, trying to recall what happened.

“Tell me five things you see,” Dad prompts, recalling an old technique my therapist used.

“I see you all watching me, and it’s unnerving,” I admit. The group takes a collective step back. A glitzy Mia and Lex come running through.

“Dammit, Mia. I’m keeping you from your sorority event.” Tears that I didn’t think I had left to cry fall.

“No, no, babe. You’re going, too. Me, you, and Mia are going together. Tomas is going to drive us. Before you argue, even your parents think you need a night out,” Lex says, gripping my hands.

I dig deep for the energy to protest their wishes. Even then, I can’t find it. “I don’t have anything to wear for a masquerade.” It’s a stretch because I’m sure I actually do have something to wear. If I don’t, I’m sure Mia does.

“Way ahead of you. I bought you these last week,” Mia tells me quietly, placing an expensive-looking box in my hands. Once again, I search for words—a protest or something—but I can’t think. I’m tired and sad; so fucking sad.

“I bought them last week after we talked. I figured we could get ready together and make it a girls’ night.” That overflows the dam again. “Don’t cry, babe. We’re going. It’s going to be a funnight. We’ll let your hair down. We’ll talk and cry together, if that’s what you want. Anything you need, we’ve got you, Liv.”

Just like weeks ago at the cabin, Lex and Mia hold me gently, letting me take whatever I need from them. “I love you two so much. I love all of you. Please don’t keep shit from me. I know I’m fragile, but I’m also strong. I can break and put myself back together. Julian taught me that.”

Mia and Lex usher me upstairs to my old bedroom. Memories of Mom flood me instantly. So many years of doing my hair before dances. Her telling me what it would be like to find my own prince and kiss him for the first time. Most of the biggest moments in my life, where I needed to consult and hug my mom, happened in this very room.

“Well, I guess this solves the mystery of the random proposal.”

Mia stares at me blankly for a moment. “Shit. I guess it does. I apologize, Liv. I swear.”

I wave her off. “How could we have known?” All the time, I considered that Dad was just a cover story for him and Vanessa. It sounds crazier the more I think about it. My mind has never been good at finding logic in situations. “Ow, damn. You’re rough with hair,” I say as she brushes a piece. It feels like she’s pulling it from my fucking scalp.

“You mean to tell me our dear professor doesn’t pull your hair this hard?” Mia asks, bemused.

“No, bitch. You’re a bigger sadist than him, apparently.”

Lex’s face turns beet red. “Can I ask how you knew you were a sadist or a masochist?” I forget how sheltered she is sometimes, thanks to her parents.

Mia gives a small smile. “You find someone you’re attracted to and experiment together without fear of shame or judgment.”

“And expectations. Just exploring one another and your likes and dislikes without pressure. It’s a lot of fucking fun. Anddespite whatever kinky stuff you end up being into, Lex, I’ll love you, anyway. I vow to never yuck your yum, too.”

Lex, Mia, and I continue laughing until we cry for the next hour. We descend the stairs. Tomas sits on the tufted, white mid-century loveseat, browsing his phone and waiting for us.

He meets me on the landing platform, taking my arm. I almost trip over my floor-length black dress. It’s a mix of silk and intricate lace detailing. I want one in white for our wedding–if we ever have one.

The prospect of marriage has haunted me for the past hour, since I came to the realization that Tomas was trying to help. He nor Mom need to ask. I already know I’ll give Mom her dying wish. If that’s seeing me get married, so be it. Although he hid this from me, it was at my parents’ request. Other than this, I can’t recall a single instance where he’s lied to me.

“You make me want to change my mind about going,” Tomas groans. “You’re stunning, Olivia. Absolutely breathtaking,” he murmurs, kissing the sensitive spot on the nape of my neck.

“I promise round two after you pick me up tonight, Tomas.” He wraps his strong arms around me protectively. I’m not as mad at him as I was earlier, although I’m still hurt.

Mia and Lex pile into the backseat of his black Audi coupe. “You’ll be careful tonight, right?” he asks sternly, rubbing soft circles on the hand he’s holding. His grip is strong, like he doesn’t want to let go of me.

“Yes, I’ll be careful. Mia and Lex will take good care of me,” I promise. Tomas stops at the curb in front of the venue.

Expensive cars, and drivers in expensive suits, line the front of the three-story building. I don’t know what I had in mind, but this wasn’t it. “Wow. You girls didn’t spare a single expense, did you?” I say to Mia.

She smiles and shakes her head. “Wait until you see the inside.” With that, we step through the front door.

My first thought is that I wish I brought Tomas, anyway. There are so many bodies and a sea of masks. With the mix of solid and strobe red lights, the scene is macabre and dangerous. “This looks like something out of Halloween,” Lex marvels. I have to agree with her. The whole thing feels mysterious and dangerous.

“This was by invitation only, right?” I ask, chewing on my lip. Mia nods enthusiastically. “My team handled the guest list and coordinated with Matt’s fraternity, too. It’s secure.” I believe it. Mia doesn’t miss a detail.

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