Page 100 of Brazen Deceits

“Trips said they’re cleaners. Cleaners of bodies.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah. What if we hadn’t gotten out of there, RJ?”

He squeezes me tight as I shiver. “Youdidget out of there, though. And you got Jansen out, too. No plan, no prep work, no experience. It was just pure instinct.”

“I can’t predict or plan for instinct, RJ. I don’t like it. What if, one day, my instincts are off? What if I get us all killed?”

“You can’t live in the future, Clara. Or the past. You can only live in the now, and right now, everything is safe. No guns, no danger, just you and me pretending to be hippies on a busy street in Chicago.”

I giggle, burrowing into his chest. His warm hand strokes down my back, pausing at the curve of my ass before tangling into my hair once more. I breathe deep, trying to find yet another sliver of courage in my worn-out heart.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about, well, you know,” I say.

His chuckle vibrates through me. “I’ve been busy, haven’t I?”

“That. And I’m a bit of a coward.”

I can feel his face nuzzling into my hair. “Never that, sugar.”

“About this I am. I, well, I want a relationship with you, but also, with all of you.” I keep my eyes squeezed shut, the cotton of his t-shirt soft against my nose.

“I know.”

He continues the long, slow strokes down my back. Inching my eyes open, I tip my head to search his face. He runs a finger down my cheek, and I lean into the touch.

“Clara, I like you. But I love watching you with the other guys, too. You’re good for them, for us. Not to mention it’s, hmm, appealing to imagine what happens behind closed doors.”

I wait, taking in the curl of his lashes, the strength in his jaw, while his mind gathers his words.

His lips feather against my cheek, his eyes closed. “But I was wondering if maybe we could go slow? I just, I want to savor all of this. The cuddles, the making out, and well…” He swallows. “I just don’t think I’m going to get another chance at all these firsts.”

There’s a crease between his eyebrows, and I bring a finger to it, wishing I could rub it away. First kisses, first cuddles, and eventually, a big first. Oh.

I melt, honored that he feels comfortable sharing with me, that we’ve built enough trust for him to basically tell me he’s a virgin even when I’m asking for such an unconventional relationship. “We can go whatever speed you’re comfortable with, RJ. I’m happy just spending time with you. The runs, the talks, even helping you give the van a secret identity, it’s all candy to me, RJ.”

He smiles, pressing his forehead to mine, his eyes slowly closing. “Thank you.”

Wrapping my arms around him, holding him tight, I feel some of his tension slip away, too.

The sun sinks, the streetlights flicker on, and still we lie there, breathing in and out, together, while all around us, the world rushes by.

Chapter 44

Clara

Trips shakes me awake the next morning from where I’m pressed between Walker and Jansen in my bed.

“Nice night, Crash?” he asks, a smirk obvious in the half light.

I wiggle my way out from the two of them, and inexplicably, Trips lifts me from the pile of limbs. I guess that’s one neat thing about my lack of bedframe—easy lifting.

My throat is scratchy when I go to answer. “It wasn’t that type of night.”

Trips just raises an eyebrow. “Too tired after RJ?”

I shove him out of my way, grabbing some clothes as I head to the bathroom to change. Trips trails me.

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