Page 50 of Make Room for Love

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” Isabel said quietly.

It wasn’t enough. Isabel had truly been afraid for her, and afraid for what this meant for them. Mira simply hadn’t imagined this possibility: Isabel caring enough about her to be devastated when she’d disappeared. Her own fear had made her thoughtless, even cruel.

“You don’t have to say that,” Mira said. “I’m sorry for running away.” Isabel acknowledged that with the smallest nod. “I’m so glad I’m back here with you.”

Reluctantly, Mira let go and slipped her coat off. Isabel uncurled her limbs, and they wordlessly slid their arms around each other side-by-side on the couch. Mira tipped her head forward so their foreheads touched. If this was all they’d everhave, Mira would remember this moment even more than the kiss: holding Isabel, and being held.

But first, she had a lot to say. She disentangled herself from Isabel again. “I’ve been thinking about what I want.” It hadn’t been difficult to figure out. “I want to be honest with you.”

Hope and terror flared on Isabel’s face, making Mira ache. “What is it?”

“I want to give this a try.” Mira’s heart was pounding. “I’m scared, to be honest. I didn’t expect this to happen so soon. But I know I want you.” She flushed and dropped her gaze. Then she looked Isabel in the eye again. She needed to be brave. “I can’t pretend this didn’t happen and go back to the way things were. I don’t know what this means or what we’re going to do. But I really, really want you. You’re so strong and capable and caring, and I’ve never met anyone like you. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anyone this much.”

Isabel turned away. The words rang between them. “Are you okay?” Mira asked.

She didn’t know what Isabel wanted. So much was still unspoken between them. If Isabel didn’t actually want this—well, at least Mira would have been honest, both to Isabel and to herself, and she would survive.

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” Isabel said flatly. “I want to be with you, too. You have no idea. I want you so much it scares me.” She still wasn’t looking at Mira. “You didn’t know this would happen when you moved in with me.”

“Neither did you.” Mira smiled. “Unless you really did rescue me just to seduce me, in which case I wouldn’t complain.”

Isabel smiled back, but only for a moment. “I mean, with your ex. I’m worried you’re going to feel trapped here, like you did with him, and that it won’t be easy for you to leave. I hate knowing it’s not fair to you.”

“I’ve thought about this, too. Let’s just talk about it honestly, okay?” Mira took a deep breath. They were getting to the hard part. “I do really want to try this. But I also need to be able to leave. Leave this apartment, and leave you.” Isabel tensed up—almost imperceptibly, but Mira was attuned to her every movement. “I trust you. I know you won’t abuse me or try to control me with your money. But I need to know the option is there.”

“Of course.” Isabel’s expression was familiar: in pain, and trying to not show it. “I’ll do everything within my power that you ask me to do, if it comes to that. I promise that to you.” She hesitated. “I know you don’t want my money. But I’ll help you move, I’ll help you find a new place, I’ll find someone to take your room. Anything.”

She spoke calmly about the logistics of Mira leaving her, as though she’d thought about it too. Mira slipped an arm around her broad shoulders again. Promises could be broken, but Isabel had given her enough reasons to trust her, and Mira couldn’t live in fear forever.

“I believe you,” Mira said. Isabel relaxed against her. “You’ve been so good to me, Isabel. You’ve been a good friend. You make me feel safe, and you’ve made me stronger and braver, and I’ve healed so much since I moved in.” She didn’t want Isabel dwelling only on how she could hurt Mira. “I didn’t know how much I needed it until I met you.”

Saying what she needed even though she was afraid—she couldn’t have done this three months ago. The seed of that change had been inside her all along, but Isabel had watered it, too. Isabel had reminded her that she owed it to herself to talk to her coworkers, no matter how much it terrified her. Isabel had taken her seriously from the beginning, and Isabel was taking her seriously even now.

“What do you want from me, Mira?” Isabel asked.

Mira steeled herself. She owed both of them her answer. “I think we should take things slow. And I know we already live together, which makes that difficult.” They exchanged uneasy smiles. “You know I just got out of the worst relationship of my life. I can’t handle anything serious or committed right now. I guess that means…we should keep things casual.” The word wasn’t right. She yearned for Isabel, and she was afraid for herself, andcasualwas such an inadequate way to split the difference. But it was all she had.

Isabel nodded solemnly. “But I want to keep spending time with you,” Mira continued. “I, um, I loved kissing you.” She was understating it, and blushing like a schoolgirl, too. She’d kissed lots of people. Discussing it like this was something else. “I think I would need to ease into the physical side of things. It’s not easy for me to have sex with anyone new. But I do want it. I want to try it with you.”

Even saying the words made heat spread through her body. She wanted to feel safe and cared for during sex, and she wanted Isabel to fuck her until she couldn’t stand. Maybe she could actually have that, and not only as a fantasy locked up in her head.

“I want that too,” Isabel said, a low, urgent note in her voice. She added, “If you just want sex…”

She didn’t sound happy about it. “That’s not what I meant,” Mira said. Asking for kissing and sex was already extravagant, but she wanted even more. “I want to spend time with you and get to know you. In the way people date and get to know each other when they don’t, um—don’t already live together.” She hesitated. “If we need to discuss apartment things, then we can do it as roommates. But other times…” How much more did she want? Maybe she could figure it out along the way.

“Do you want to keep things the way they are, aside from when I take you out?” Isabel asked.

No.Mira didn’t want that either. The prospect of Isabel taking her on dates was wonderful. But the idea of not being able to kiss Isabel at home at breakfast, at dinner, before bed, whenever she wanted was unbearable. “No.I don’t think I’d be able to keep my hands off you.”

Isabel’s eyes widened. So did Mira’s. Had she just said that aloud? Isabel smiled—her first real smile tonight, and such a lovely one, too. Now that Mira allowed herself to do it, every moment of looking at Isabel was a gift.

“Can I kiss you right now?” Isabel asked.

Mira nodded. They kissed again. It was sweet and slow, and the way Isabel cradled her jaw was delicious, making her whimper and melt. Isabel was clearly restraining herself, and Mira matched her even though she wanted more.

Then Isabel pulled back like she was rationing their kisses. “You can keep going,” Mira said.

“Later.” Isabel didn’t seem like she wanted to wait any more than Mira did. “After we’re finished.” Her face turned serious again. “You can decide whenever you want that we’re done. And you can move out whenever you want. I mean it. I won’t ask anything else of you.”

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