Page 89 of Finding Our Reality

Kill me now.

A few months ago, she told me she couldn’t even stand to be in the same zip code with me, and now, here she is, wearing my clothes, sleeping in my bed, playing with the child I consider to be my own little girl.

“You girls go turn the bed down. I’ll get your glass of water. And don’t forget to brush your teeth, Laura. I’m going to smell your breath.”

Laura grabs Lulu’s hand and tugs her up the stairs. When I join them, Lulu’s reading a children’s book to Laura—I don’t point out the fact that my niece is smart as a whip and outgrew that book two years ago. I stand in the doorway, watching them. An unfamiliar feeling cascades through my body. I don’t know how to describe it. It’s… weird. Odd. For the first time in my life, I feel like a grown man. A patriarch. A provider.

It’s literally the best feeling in the world.

Well, next to my memories of being inside of Lulu.

When they finish, I put the glass of water on Laura’s nightstand and bend down next to her face. “Let me smell.”

Giggling, she blows in my face. “See? Minty fresh.”

I make a fake gagging sound and pretend to pass out. “Alright, get some sleep, Little Girl. You’ve been a thorn in my side all day. Time to give me some peace and quiet.”

Ignoring my teasing, she wraps her arms around me and gives me a kiss. “No adult book tonight?” She frowns. “That’s just plain wrong.”

“Not tonight. It’s late.”

I pause, waiting for Lulu and Laura to hug goodnight before I turn out the light. Instead of pulling away, Laura plants both hands on Lulu’s face, pressing so hard, she smashes Lulu’s lips together into a pucker. Her little eyes grow wide and she whispers into Lulu’s face, “Tell me something. Something no one else knows.”

Oh my god.

Instantly, all the air is sucked from the room. The three of us are left in a void. In a vacuum. In a shell.

Laura, in her innocence, doesn’t know anything is wrong. Folding her hands in her lap, she patiently waits for Lulu’s answer.

I can’t believe this is happening to me.

I have no idea how My Lulu is going to react. And that scares the shit out of me.

I’ve just started getting her back. I can’t lose her again.

I won’t lose her again. I refuse to.

I’m about to scold Laura for playing our secret game when Lulu makes a noise.

She clears her throat and quickly wipes her eye before a tear spills from the corner. “Well, let’s see. It’s been a very long time since anyone has asked me that question.”

“Who asked you last? Uncle Ry?”

She nods, tossing me a glance. “Yes. It was him.”

“But you haven’t seen each other in a really long time, right? So, there must be lots of things that no one else knows.”

Lulu nods, sniffling and clearing her throat again. “Well, I learned something new today.”

Learningis an immediate trigger word for Laura. Her eyes widen again, and she grows very serious. “You did? What did you learn?”

“I learned that you must be very special to Ry.”

“Why am I special?”

“Because of the creek. For a very long time, only two people knew about the creek. Me and him. He showed it to me. A long time ago, when we were much younger, it was our secret place. And now, it’s your secret place too. That makes you very special.”

Laura nods eagerly. “And I learned that you’re special too, Miss Lulu.”

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