Page 50 of Finding Our Reality

Marcum twirls his ink pen in his hand like a baton. “Who said you were my best friend.”

“Well, I have to be more fun than Colson. And we all know I’m better to look at than Leary.”

He snorts on his laugh. “You’ve got me there.” He tosses the pen down on his desk and laces his fingers behind his head. “Didn’t go good today, huh?”

“Did Ry tell you?”

“He did.”

“It was devasting. Traumatic. Those poor kids. To live through that?”

He nods in empathy. “I know your parents left a lot to be desired in the way of love, affection, and attention, but at least they supplied for your basic needs. Food, clean clothes, a safe place to live. Up until that summer, I mean.”

“I’m not delusional enough to compare the struggles of my upbringing with what those kids are going through.” I look overat Ry’s empty desk. “Or even what he went through as a little boy.”

“Yeah, from what I gather, his plight was pretty damn rough before his grandparents took him away.”

I think back to all the stories Ry told me.

Marcum cocks his head. “But just so you know, your struggles after leaving here were pretty damn significant. Catastrophic. I’m not bypassing that. Have you ever thought about sharing those with him?”

I shrug.

Marcum leans across his desk, knocking my feet to the ground. “Ella.”

“Okay, yes, I’ve thought about it. But I always come back to the same conclusion… no. Hell, no. He left me. He chose not to be a part of my life. He chose to wash his hands of any problems—any feelings—for me. I can’t put myself out there like that. What good will it do? He probably wouldn’t even care.”

“Ella Hill, that’s a damn boldface lie, and you know it.”

“All I know is that I can’t open myself up to him again. Even if he wanted me to. Even ifIwanted to. I barely survived the last go round. I’m not strong enough to make it.”

Marcum smiles. “You’re the strongest person I know.”

I snort. There’s no point in rebutting his compliment. Marcum likes to shower them on me like a spring rain. I learned a long time ago to keep my mouth shut. I decide to switch topics instead. “You should’ve told me about his injuries. I wasn’t prepared.”

“Yeah, I heard.”

“He told you?”

“No, Ray called. He wanted me to know how upset you were in case you reached out to me.”

“Ry was bombed, Marcum. Someone tried to kill him.”

“Sweetie, you can’t think of it like that. That kind of danger comes with being a soldier. That bombing would have happened with him there or without him there. At least, him being there kept some people alive.”

I shake my head in question. “What do you mean?”

Marcum’s brow furrows in confusion. “He saved lives, Ella.”

My hand flings to my mouth in shock. “What? Who?”

“Well, the US ambassador for one.”

“He didn’t tell me that.”

“Of course, he didn’t.” Marcum glances over at Ry’s desk, puffing his chest outward like a proud papa. “Crutch received awards for his bravery.”

I swallow, trying to digest that information. It sticks in my throat like dry oatmeal. “How do you know all that? He told you?”