Page 21 of Finding Our Reality

“So, you’re basically reading every single thing these people thought about for a whole year.”

“Pretty much.”

He cocks his head, flopping his wavy blond hair. “Find anything good?”

I chuckle. “I always find good stuff. And boring stuff. And shocking stuff. And disgusting stuff. You’d be surprised.”

He leans forward, stretching his arms across the island countertop. The muscles in his shoulders pop. “Tell me something scandalous.”

I lean forward, acting like I’m about to share a huge secret. I whisper, “It’s confidential, asshole.”

Laughing, he grabs his chest, acting like I shot him. “You’re so cruel!”

Moving my finger across the screen to bypass my screensaver, I pick up my ink pen and start taking notes again.

He clears his throat and then sucks air between his teeth. “You haven’t said much. How are things going with Crutch?”

I scowl. “Fine, I suppose. He had other work to do as well. The two-day hiatus was probably needed on both sides.”

“Are you still mad at us? For not telling you he lived here? For not telling you he was a cop?”

I look up, studying his innocent and handsome face. “Yes, I’m still mad at you. And a big part of me feels betrayed. Y’all should have told me. You know how I feel about him. I hate him.”

He nods and then states the obvious. “But you still love us.”

“Of course, I still love you. It doesn’t mean I can’t be angry with you, though.”

“What if your hate for him isn’t really hate? What if it’s just anger?”

His words catch me off guard. What do I say to that? Sometimes, my rage for Ry is so blinding I want to scream and break the world in two. Other times, I cry so hard, longing and wishing for his touch so much, that I would sell my soul to the devil just to feel his lips on mine again. But even those feelings eventually leave me barren and empty and irritated. How can I even think about wanting someone who doesn’t want me? He couldn’t wait to get away from me, couldn’t wait to leave.

He left me. With one single letter.

And that’s why I have to hate him.

I have no other choice.

His stunning good looks and sexy southern charm can’t sway me this time. I’m older. Smarter. Jaded.

Holt reaches over, pushing the lid of my laptop with his finger. “You should come with me to the bar tonight. I told Cullen I’d come over for a bit to watch some of the game.”

“What game? Who’s playing?”

Holt lifts an eyebrow. “Do you even care? The only team name you know is mine.”

Sometimes, he talks about the team as if he’s still on it.

“Well, that’s the only one I’m supposed to cheer for, right?”

He mumbles underneath his breath. “I guess it doesn’t really matter now, does it?” Walking around the island, he heads for Carrie’s bedroom.His bedroom.“I’m getting dressed. Come with me. It’ll do you some good to recharge your brain.”

“Tomorrow’s a workday. I can’t be staying out all hours of the night.”

“I’m not talking about all hours of the night, I’m talking about two hours during the early part of the night. It’s not like you’re tying one on and then having to fight a hangover the next day. You don’t drink.”

“I’ll have you know that I had a Long Island Iced Tea the last time I went to the bar.”

“Correction: Youcarried arounda Long Island Iced Tea. Will said you didn’t drink it.”

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