Page 54 of Finding Our Reality

He shakes his own head, dumbfounded with my answer and attitude. “Let me get this straight, Hudson cheated on you…multiple times. And you let him live? You didn’t stand up for yourself? Didn’t fight? That doesn’t sound like the Lulu, I know.” He leans down, splaying his hands across the table. “It sounds like your mother.”

Now, it’s my turn to push away from the table and stand up. I point my finger in his face. “See, that’s where you’re wrong. My motherhatedthat my father cheated. She wished he wouldn’t. She tried to mold herself into this fake little person, just trying to capture his attention. Shewantedmy father’s love and affection. I’m nothing like my mother because I actually didn’t care if Hudson cheated on me. I didn’t want his love and affection. If having mistress after mistress kept his hands off me, then I was completely fine with it. Hell, I nearly wrote some of those women damn thank you cards!”

His mouth slacks open. “I—I don’t even know how to respond to that.”

“Don’t make more of it than it is. After I left the University of Florida and moved to Mobile, we never even lived together again. I have a small house in the country, and he has a huge condo in the middle of downtown. So, when I say it was no big deal, I mean it.”

Ry laces his hands behind his head. The movement makes a small corner of his shirt come untucked and a strip of tan skin flashes, making my mouth water. “You cheated on him too?”

“You know I would never do that. That’s not me. I kept my vow.”

He slowly lowers his hands. His face is confused, bombarded with thought after thought. “You didn’t want him to touch you? Does that mean you never had… sex … with him?”

I try not to blush, but I know I do. Embarrassment, disgust, and resignation must color my face like a fire engine. “I didn’t say that. We were married for nine years. Sometimes, I needed intimacy, companionship. And since I wasn’t gonna commit adultery myself, I had no other choice than to be with Hudson.”

He looks like I just stabbed him in the stomach. He literally doubles over, absorbing the information that he already knew.I had sex with my husband.

And why the fuck does he even care?

He broke up with me.

I was free to screw every guy on Holt’s football team, if I wanted to.

Except… I didn’t want to.

And despite my desire to spew vitriol at him for his reaction, we’re kindred spirits in a way. Because I feel his pain. I feel it every time a woman looks in his direction. Every time one of his one-night stands comes around wanting night two. My body shakes in fury just thinking about it.

I grab the trash from the table and toss it into the outside wicker trash can. I zip the lid to his cooler and slide it across the table, placing it right in front of him. “Thank you for the dinner. And the beautiful lanterns. It’s been a long couple of days. I need to rest. You can show yourself out.”

Ry reaches out, snatching my hand in his. Bending his head, his hot breath skims the side of my face.

Why? How? How can I hate him and love him all at the same time?

His whisper cracks with emotion. “Why did you marry him, Lulu?”

I shrug. “Why not? No one else was standing in line, Ry.”

I pull from his grasp and leave him there before any more of his words can bury me in my grave.

Chapter 20

CRUTCH

I toss my sunglasses on the dashboard and grab my wallet. The mid-March sun is shining down, quickly evaporating the morning dew. I’ve become one ofthosepeople. Those people who go at least one time a week, if not more, to buy an insanely overpriced cup of coffee.

A lasting impression from the Lulu of twelve years ago.

She’s come into the station a few times with a cup, letting me know she still goes toourcoffee shop. But for some stupid reason, I’ve never piped up and told her that I still go toourcoffee shop too.

I place my order and stand there checking the email on my phone when the heated scorch of her voice races down my spine.

“I don’t think Peyton works here anymore. You’ll have to make googly eyes with someone else. I hear the drive-thru barista is nineteen. I know you like them young.”

Fuck me.

Her smirk is just what I needed to see this morning. Really, it’s what I need to see every morning.

“Pipe up a little louder, won’t you? I don’t think the old lady in the corner heard you.”

---