“Hmm.”
I can’t stand it, enough with the small talk. “Why didn’t you tell me, Lulu?”
She turns to study me. Her jaw works back and forth. “Why didn’t I tell you then? Or why didn’t I tell you now?” Her voice raises an octave. She’s really starting to get pissed off.
Welcome to the club.
I shake my head. “Now. Then. Both.” All of it. Why is she asking such a ridiculous question?
“I wanted to tell you. I tried to tell you.”
“Oh really? It’s not that hard to do.‘I’m pregnant. We’re having a baby.’See, less than twelve seconds. So, how come it took twelve years for me to find out?”
She shoves her finger in my face. “It wasn’t that simple, asshole!”
I toss my hands in the air. “Enlighten me. Please.”
“You didn’t wanna be found, Ry. Your goal was to leave me, to cut ties, and you did a damn good job of it. You left your cell phone. You deleted your email account. I went to the recruiting office, I begged the recruiter for your information, for anything—a phone number, a mailing address, an email address. He couldn’t give me anything because you designated your file as ‘no contact’. He was forced to honor your request. I even tracked down your mom, drove her to the office, and had her ask. You had it marked that your mailing address couldn’t even be given out to family.”
Shit. I did do that. I did it because I was afraid Lulu would write while I was in MCRT, and I knew her letters would distract me. “You met with my mom after I left town?”
Lulu snorts. “Yeah, and she was a real pleasure as always. I had to pay her $200 to even get her to go to the recruitment office.”
Now, that sounds like dear old Mom.
“I begged the recruiter to call you himself. I told a complete stranger I was pregnant and begged him to get in touch with you. He couldn’t, of course.”
She sits forward, watching the rain slap against the windshield. “I didn’t tell Harlan I was pregnant. I didn’t want him to worry. I just told him that he had to make you call me. But that was a moot point too. You called him when you arrived at MCRT, but that was while I was in Puerto Rico. Harlan told me you wouldn’t be able to call back until MCRT was finished. Thirteen weeks, Ry. You had that boot camp for a full thirteen weeks. We kept waiting on you to call. Ikept waiting on you to reach out to one of us. But you didn’t. You left Harlan a coward’s voicemail a few weeks before MCRT ended, telling him you weren’t taking your ten-day leave before SOI, but instead going straight there. You didn’t even leave a contact number on the voicemail so we could call you.”
She shakes her head, fighting her anger. She’s losing the battle. “Guess how pregnant I was gonna be at the end of SOI? Six months! I couldn’t just sit around and not have a plan. I had a baby to prepare for.”
She reaches behind her neck and rubs her scar. “You left Harlan that voicemail on August 4th, saying you weren’t coming home for your ten-day leave. I left town one week later.”
That piques my interest. And not in a good way. “What you mean isyou married Hudson, and left town one week later with your new husband.”
Her eyes narrow and her spine stiffens. “That’s exactly what I mean.”
“Why the hell would you marry someone you don’t love while you’re carryingmybaby?”
She spins in her seat, pulls her seat belt around her, and stares out the side window. “I can’t talk about this anymore tonight. Drive. Take me home.”
I want to ask about my daughter. I want to know every single thing there is to know. But talking to her now will be like talking to a brick wall. Growling under my breath, I pull out of thehospital parking lot and navigate my way back to the interstate. We travel in silence.
And the silence is scary.
Terrifying, actually.
I’m losing her. I’m losing My Lulu.
Her spine stiffens, her shoulders square, her chin points in the air. The gleam in her eyes disappears. The fight in her soul dies.
With each and every mile I drive, I lose My Lulu to Ella.
***
She flies out of the truck the second I pull into her driveway. Not a goodbye. Not a fuck you. Nothing.
Screaming a swear, I yank the truck in reverse. She thinks she’s the only one who can be angry? She thinks she’s the only one who can hurt? Well, I lost a child too; I just didn’t know it until a couple of hours ago.