Page 1 of Finding Our Reality

Prologue

ELLA

I sit in my SUV, frozen in place, frozen in shock, looking at the place I once called my home. Everything is gone. No furniture, no storage bins, no tent. The only things that remain are the poured concrete patio, the stone firepit, and the wooden dock. And those were only left behind because they are permanent. Hell, if Ry had enough time, he probably would’ve jackhammered the concrete.

But I guess he was too anxious to get away from me. Too excited.

I tear open the envelope, ignoring the tug of my heartstrings when I see his handwriting.

Hate me.

That’s the only way I’ll be able to survive.

I don’t think I’d be able to live my life knowing that you’re spending every day, every waking moment, loving me the way I will love you until the day I die. Don’t love me. Stop. Find someone worthy. Someone better. Someone who can give you what you need. Someone who can provide for you.

I’m a burden to you, Lulu. Don’t you see that? I’m not the lifejacket; I’m the anchor. I’m drowning you, pulling you under. And I love you too much to do that. So, yes, I made this decision without you. But you have to know that I made this decision for the both of us. I need a higher purpose in life than just trying to survivethe shit existence that surrounds me. I refuse to be like my parents or my brother. But I also refuse to have the woman I love give up the life she’s been given. A life that’s not a shit existence.

Let’s face it, being born rich is a privilege. You are the most beautiful woman to ever walk the face of the earth. You are smart and funny and humble and fiery and passionate and… everything. My everything. You deserve every good thing that heads your way. But the truth of the matter is, you will always have more opportunities than those who don’t have money.

You’re the one who told me not to squander an opportunity. And that’s just what you’re doing with me. You’re tossing away a future of endless possibilities. You deserve happiness now. Not in ten years, when I hopefully have a good job. Not in fifteen years, when I hopefully have some money to call my own. Not in twenty years, when I hopefully have the land to build our dream home.

Now. You deserve happiness right now.

So, hate me. Move on with your life. Find love. Find happiness. Start a career, get married, have babies. Do all the things that Carrie won’t be able to do. Make your sister proud. Take what should’ve been our life and make it your own. I give it to you. I’m giving you the life you deserve. It’s the least I can do.

I won’t lie and say I wish we had never met. Nothing could be further from the truth. The night I saw you on the back porch was the moment I actually started living. The night I started hoping, dreaming. Don’t ever think for one second that I didn’t love you, that I don’t love you.Because I did. And I do. My heart will beat for you until the heavens cascade to the earth.

Your laugh, your kiss, your touch.

Mine.

You’re mine. My Lulu. Never before. Never after.

And I’m content with that.

But I want you to have it all.

The fault lies with me. I made the gravest mistake of all. I told you I wasn’t a fan of escaping from reality. And yet, I fell into my own trap. I escaped. With you held captive in my arms.

You’re free now, Lulu.

Reality reminds you where you belong.

So, he wants me to hate him.

Well, wish granted, motherfucker.

NEARLY TWELVE YEARS LATER

Chapter 1

ELLA

Holt wraps his arm around my shoulder, tucking me against his side. I don’t really need the assistance; he’s just trying to save me from the crowd of people who want to gather in my face, expressing their condolences—some be it authentic and some be it fake. Uncle Ray and Aunt Teresa take the brunt, allowing me an escape. We walk across the grounds, weaving around the headstones. My heels keep sinking into the wet dirt.

Figures I would have to bury my parents on a rainy day. They’ve never made anything easy for me.

When Marcum and Nancy come up to us, Holt untangles my body from his, quickly shaking hands with Marcum, as Nancy pecks my cheek and gives my hand a loving squeeze.

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