Page 76 of Always on My Mind

“Tessa—”

“Jamie, I only want to be in this with you if you’re certain. About me, about us. You said you were hopeful, but I need the trust too.”

“I do trust you!”

“I wish I could believe that right now.”

“Please, I didn’t mean it like that, let me explain—”

“No,” Tessa swallowed and shook her head. “I need some time. I’m going to go home for the day and I’ll see you later, alright?”

“Tessa!”

“Jamie!” Dave called. “We need to do another take, I want to try a different angle on the goal. Are you ready?”

“You’re needed elsewhere,” Tessa said. “Go on, then.”

She turned to go and Jamie followed. “Tessa, wait.”

Tessa didn’t stop. She made a beeline for the door and strode through it. When she didn’t hear it open again behind her, she knew Jamie hadn’t continued her pursuit.

Well, Tessa thought as she made her way to the tube station.So much for Valentine’s Day.

With the sting of Jamie’s words threatening to overwhelm her, Tessa went home and took a much needed nap. Sleep dulled the pain some. A cup of tea soothed it even more. But it lingered like a sore muscle in her chest. She kept replaying the moment over and over, and found it just as sharp every time.

Again, she wondered what hold Dexter Hupp had over his daughter that made her distrust even those closest to her. It was true that in the past, he had her agent and doctors reporting to him, but Jamie assured Tessa that was over. Lila had not revealed anything they spoke about in therapy, and her agent was shutting Dexter out too. All he’d done was send a few nasty texts and emails.

Tessa knew it would take time. She understood trauma made people reactive. But did that make her own feelings invalid? She didn’t think so. They were doing so much to protect Jamie’s heart but what about Tessa’s? Didn’t she deserve some consideration as well? The longer Jamie took, the more she hurt.

She found herself wondering if she had given in to her feelings too quickly when she agreed that Jamie coming out to—or inviting in, as she put it—the team would be enough. At the time, she thought it would be. But they were barely three months in, and she was struggling to be patient. It was hard when every time Jamie pulled back, it stung like a rejection.

She rolled over in bed and stared at the window. The curtains were drawn, so she couldn’t see outside. Not that she wanted to. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to do. Reading and televisiondidn’t appeal to her. The thought of scrolling on her phone was even less desirable. So she stared at the wall. Contemplating if she would be able to survive another breakup with Jamie.

It wasn’t what she wanted. The thought of it made bile rise up in her throat. No doubt the effects of carrying centuries of pain brought on by Jamie’s decisions in the past. It hadn’t been any easier when Tessa was the one who walked away when they broke up three years prior. Her heart was shattered. Could she go through it again?

No, she thought.I made a promise to try, and that’s what I’ll do.

There was no way it was going to be easy. But dammit, she loved Jamie. Despite the angst and old wounds, there was love there.

She sat up and reached for her tea.

“Damn, it’s gone cold,” she muttered to herself.

With a groan, she pushed herself to get out of bed. Sliding her feet into her slippers, she padded back out to the kitchen to put the kettle on once more.

She heard the lock turn and the front door swing open with its familiar squeak.

“I’m in the kitchen, Niamh,” Tessa called. “Fancy a cuppa?”

Jamie appeared from around the corner. Tessa gasped and jumped, her hand landing on her chest.

“Fuck’s sake, Jamie, can you stop scaring me in my own fucking kitchen?”

Jamie’s mouth threatened a smile, but she forced them back to neutral. “Sorry. You gave me a key, though, remember?”

“Aye, so I did, but that’s no excuse to not announce yourself,” Tessa replied.

“Sorry,” Jamie said again. “I only wanted. . . I dunno.”

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