Page 71 of Always on My Mind

“Maybe he thinks football is a sore subject,” Jamie said. She swallowed hard. She’d already done one difficult thing today. What was one more? “Since. . . ”

She trailed off. She couldn’t bring herself to say it. What if it sent her mother into a spiral? She didn’t want to cause unrest. Natalie slid her gaze sidelong to Jamie.

“Theo?”

Jamie nodded. “Sorry to bring him up.”

“You’ve apologized to me three times since you came in here. None of them were necessary.”

Jamie opened her mouth to apologize again but snapped it shut.

Natalie latched her gaze onto Jamie’s face. “He’s taken you too, hasn’t he?”

“W-what?” Jamie stammered. “How do you mean?”

“Your father. He’s got his claws into you.”

Jamie didn’t know what to say. Her father’s hold on her was strong, but she had taken some big strides only moments ago. The momentum was there for her to tear herself free. But then what would become of her mother?

“Dad’s. . . involved in my career, yes,” Jamie said. “But I’m fine.”

“That’s what Theo used to say,” her mother replied. “And your father still managed to take him from me. My first born. My baby.”

Her eyes welled up with fresh tears. Jamie snatched a tissue off the side table and placed it in her mother’s hand. Natalie dabbed at her cheeks.

“When you stopped visiting, I thought it was because you’d finally gotten away,” Natalie said, her voice catching in her throat. “But now you’re here and you’re telling me he’s still in control.”

The shock of such a statement hit Jamie full force. She leaned back, as if she could escape it, but it was there in the room. Expanding like a balloon. Perhaps about to burst.

“Jamie, you’ve got to get out from under him. Theo’s gone, and I’ve become this, all because of him. I can’t lose you too.”

“Mum. . . ”

“This is what he does. You’ve lasted a long time because you’re strong, but the moment you fail to meet his expectations, he will destroy you too.”

Natalie choked on the last word. Her chin wobbled as more tears spilled down over her cheeks. A mist formed over Jamie’s eyes and her throat got tight. Had her father done this to his wife? He didn’t want the grieving mother, so he pushed pills down her throat to sedate her and hide her away? All signs pointed to it. She reached for her mother’s hand.

“I can’t lose you both, Jamie,” Natalie said.

“I’m not going anywhere, Mum.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Because I’m working on making myself stronger,” Jamie said. “I’m in therapy. I’m learning how to manage all my relationships and my trauma. I’m healing. Getting better.”

Natalie sniffled. “You are?”

Jamie nodded. “I am. And. . . you could get better too, y’know. If you want.”

“I dunno. . . ”

“You can. You’ve never been allowed to grieve for Theo. Dad packed it all away, every trace of him. But you couldn’t do that, could you? Compartmentalize and forget? Because you’re a good mum who loved her son.”

Natalie let out a sob, but covered her mouth with her free hand.

“If you found someone to talk to, you could process that grief and have a life again,” Jamie said, gripping her mother’s hand tighter. “I promise you, I’m not leaving you. Not that way. Can you promise me in return that you’ll try?”

Natalie nodded and let out a muffled whimper.

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