Page 74 of Snowed In

“I am?”

He bit the side of cheek, something unsaid dangling in the overheated air between us.

“Of course…” he finally said. “You’re my best friend, you fucking moron.”

Best friend…

I lifted my hand from his knee, his eyes tracking the movement as I set it on the steering wheel.

“Did I say something wrong?” he asked, sounding genuinely confused.

I had this whole idea in my head. Where if I hinted, he would understand and I wouldn’t have to say the thing that scared me, the thing I’d held onto for so long. I hoped maybe I wouldn’t have to let go of the rope that had kept me safe and tied to the ledge, that he might have cut it for me and caught me when I fell.

“No, Shi… It’s just…” My mouth was too dry. “I think I… I think I’ve?—”

“I’m scared too,” he interrupted. “But we’re going to be okay, right? You said so yourself. How long can we keep the car running? I mean, we have at least a few hours. If we keep the headlights on someone has to see us down here.”

He didn’t get it. He didn’t understand. Disappointment clenched my stomach, and it was the reality check I needed. What the hell was I thinking? This was life and death shit, and here I was worried about my fucking sexuality. Worried about how my best friend would react when I told him I’d fallen in love with him when I should have been devising a plan to get us out of this mess.

“Let’s give it an hour,” I said, leaving all the sappy shit locked up for now. We had more important tasks at hand. “If no one stops then maybe we can try and walk to the next town.”

“Walk? In this? No way.”

“We have to do something. I’ll go and you can stay here.”

“Absolutely not. I can’t lose you. If you go, I go.” He stared through me, his brown eyes bright and sure. “Are we clear?”

“Yeah, Shi… if you go, I go.”

He reached out and traced the line of my injured brow again as he took a few deep breaths. “Finally, something we agree on.”

Chapter Three

Shiloh

Confusion and fear were the two emotions battling for power inside of my head. Fear because we might actually freeze to death out here, and confusion because what the hell was going on with Gary? Had I missed something? Was he possibly having a brain bleed? Because the way he was looking at me right now, the things he was hinting at, could they even be possible? He didn’t want me like I’ve always wanted him. He was straight. But straight guys don’t stare at other guys lips like Gary was staring at mine. I cleared my throat and lowered my hand to my lap.

“Your eyebrow seems like it’s scabbing up okay.”

“Oh.” He sighed and turned his gaze toward the windshield.

I watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, the tightness in my chest growing sharp with each breath. We were trapped. We might have to walk, God knew how far, to find help. We might not make it until the morning. Hell, we might not make it a couple of hours if the car ran out of gas. These were all valid concerns. Concerns that should be at the forefront of my thoughts, but all I could think about was him. Him and his blue eyes knocking down every one of the walls I’d built over the last two years. Those honestand piercing blue eyes looking at me in the way I’d dreamt about for so long.

You’re important to me.

Was I having some post-survival imaginative dissociation? Where my brain was making up shit to stave off a panic attack, to stop me from freaking out about the actual situation. Was that even a thing?

“Do you think when two people experience a traumatic event… their brains create a false narrative, like connect somehow in a shared delusion to keep them calm?”

He stared at me.

“False narrative?”

“Yeah, I don’t know. It’s just a theory. Like our brains tell us things. Maybe things we never thought about before… Things we wish were real…just in the moment, to keep us occupied with hopeful shit, when in reality we know it can’t happen.”

“What can’t happen?” he asked, his eyes falling to my mouth again.

Heat gathered low in my stomach as he licked his lips.

---