Page 52 of All Your Hate

Bones turns at the sound and comes to meet me where I’m still planted by the stairs. “I’ll be with you the whole time. No one’s going to take you from me.”

I blink slowly at him. He thinks that’s what’s scaring me? Is it? I’m not even sure what is. Just the thought of not being confined to four walls, to being out in the fresh air where other people are terrifies me.

But out there is where Summer is. Where my freedom is.

I force the adrenaline in my body to propel me outside.

My palms start to get slick as I step over the threshold. There’s a nervous excitement building up in me.

It’s a sunny day and the heat immediately prickles my skin. God, it feels good. I urge my body to soak up as much as it can before we’re locked away again.

While I let myself enjoy the feeling of fresh air, Bones pulls a black, sleek sports car out of the garage. It suits him perfectly. Everything he owns and the way he acts seems to be so carefully curated. But whether it’s fake or real I can’t quite tell.

“Where are we going?” I ask as he gets out and opens the passenger door for me.

“You need some clothes so we’ll go shopping for you first.”

I would turn down his offer, but I look down at the baggy clothes of his I’m wearing. I don’t even have shoes on. Then I look at him in his tight black pants and white shirt open just enough for his silver chain to be visible. His hair is shiny and immaculate as usual. He’s even taken the time to put on eyeliner and mascara today. Standing next to his car he’s pure model material, like he belongs on a billboard for everyone to see.

It makes me feel even worse about myself. Like I’m just some dirty little speck that will leave a layer of filth on whatever I touch.

“You getting in?” he asks.

I try to hide my emotions as I settle into the seat and he pulls the car out of the driveway. From the outside, his home looks even lonelier. So many dark and empty windows amidst the old white stone.

My eyes settle on his side profile as I rest back into the buttery soft leather. How long has he lived here all alone?

I’m starting to think there’s a lot more to him than the asshole on the surface. There has to be. As much as I want to hate him as some sort of beast, it’s exhausting. The more I look at him the more I see the sadness in his eyes. The tired circles that weigh heavily underneath. He hides it all with makeup and a smug smile.

When he catches me looking, I don’t pretend I wasn’t staring at him. He can read into that whatever he wants.

“Where are we going after we buy clothes?” I ask.

“I need to make a quick stop off at a club.”

“If it’s a sex club, I’m not going.”

He snorts out a laugh. “I swear it’s not, but that is an idea for another time.”

“Don’t even think about it.” My tone is harsh, but inside I’m not as pissed off as I sound. Why does he have to be so…sohim?

We drive in silence down narrow country roads. There are no other houses in sight for what feels like miles.

After a while, the quiet tension between us grows to be too much and I ask, “Can you put some music on?”

Reaching forward, he presses a few buttons on the small screen on the dashboard and a gothic operatic chorus starts up before heavy drumming kicks in.

I’m not surprised he’s into death metal. I am surprised that it stirs a memory in me. One that I don’t want right now.

Summer and I shared a playlist where we had everything we liked on it. We’d put it on shuffle and go from headbanging to metal to bouncing around to K-pop.

“You can put whatever you like on. I will take it to heart if you skip this one though, Will Ramos is a vocal god. His pig squeals are,” he kisses the tips of his fingers, “magnificent.”

I chuckle and Bones smiles at me, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

“I didn’t know that was his name, but yeah he’s impressive.”

Bones' eyes widen and he looks like an excited little kid. “You like metal?”

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