Page 38 of All Your Hate

“Have you thought about getting in touch with Kai? You’ve got a lot more invested in this than me, might be worth it.”

Bringing Kai into this is risky. He’s just a kid, barely twenty, but he’s the best hacker we know. The only problem is his older brother. Aaron Knight owns one of, if notthebiggest tech companies in the country. He’s one of those guys you don’t want to make a deal with because he’ll twist it and have you under his boot in no time. As long as Kai doesn’t blab to him I should be good.

“Worth a shot,” I tell Dean.

“Don’t think I won’t be having a taste of you next, little kitten. You sit your ass on this desk right now and spread those legs for me.”

God, he’s so pussy whipped that he can’t manage a single phone call without getting some. It does make me yearn for another taste of my girl though.

“If you wanted me to join you guys for a threesome all you had to do was ask,” I drawl, knowing it’ll piss Dean off. I’m right.

I hear Dean’slittlekittengasp then he’s growling down the phone at me, “Don’t even think about her pussy, Bones.”

“Oh, so protective of your littlepet.” I’m being an ass now, but if he didn’t want me to fuck with him he shouldn’t have answered the phone mid blow job.

“Don’t get into a fight,” his girl says in the background.

“Fine,” he huffs. “Talk to you later.”

“Well, bye then,” I say to no one as he’s already hung up on me.

I’m happy for him, of course I am. But him finding the love of his life has made me realize how fucking empty my life is. He was the only one I could vent to about whatever shit was in my head. Now he’s pulled away and spends every second of the day with his girl.

It’s hardly like I can go home and have a heart-to-heart with mine. She’d probably try and stab me again if I did. I like the thought of that way too much.

I need to get the tangle of thoughts out of my head so I can think clearly and know what the fuck I’m actually doing.

The plotting and the murder I can manage, but everything else is new to me.

There are only two other people I can talk to about my relationship problems.

After sending a text to Kai, I make the drive to see them.

It’s been too long since I’ve visited this place. I used to come every day, then that turned into once a week, then once a month, and now I don’t even remember the last time it was.

I pull up just past the old iron gates and make my way inside the grounds.

Keeping my head down, I walk past the rows of headstones until I get to the large oak tree that sits opposite theirs. Standing under its canopy I brush away some fallen leaves from atop the stones. “Hey, Mom. Hey, moonbeam.”

I still expect them to answer back. Sometimes I swear I can hear their voices.

I’d hoped to feel different once I got here, but their absence only weighs heavier on my shoulders. This is why I stopped visiting. Because I’m selfish and can’t bear the weight of their grief.

Not caring if I get my clothes dirty, I sit down in front of them.

Fresh flowers have been left here, presumably by my father. White lilies for Mom and pink roses for Kimmy. Their favorites. I didn’t know Dad still cared enough to remember.

“You’d laugh at how cliche this sounds, but I’m so fucking lost. What am I supposed to do with her? If you’ve been watching then I’m sure you think I’m a piece of shit for what I’ve done. I can’t just let her go though. I couldn’t save you, but I know I can help her.”

I’ve always wondered what they would want as retribution for their deaths. They never received any. Their killers ran and the cops never found them.

I think of my own need for revenge. The things I’ve imagined doing to those men.

“She knows I’d kill for her yet she’s not taking me up on the offer. It’s what she needs to heal. I’m sure of it.”

A bird caws in the tree above me and I look up.

“I’m fucked in the head aren’t I?” I laugh to myself. “I’ve got some serious Mommy issues. You’d love her, moonbeam. Bet she’d let you play hairdressers with her like we used to.”

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