Page 73 of All Your Hate

I look over my shoulder, expecting to see them right behind me, chasing me down. All I see isher.My reflection.

My breathing gets choppy and I know I need to stop the machine, but I can’t take my hands off the rails.

The memory of my abduction plays out vividly in my head.

I remember the way my ankles wobbled as I ran in my heels. The pain of my chin hitting the ground. The taste of blood. Their voices.

My feet get caught up on themselves and I lose my footing on the tread. I scream as I brace myself for the impact, but I’m lifted into the air.

This time I fight with everything I have. My arms flail wildly and I scratch my nails against whatever part of my attacker I can reach.

“Stop, Wynter. It's me.”

My eyes snap open and I grab a fistful of Bones shirt.

“You’re real?” I still feel like I’m on that street not here in his arms.

“Yes, my love. I’m here and so are you.” He cups the back of my head and presses my head into his chest. I don’t fight back. I gift myself a breath of him, letting his spicy scent fill and calm me.

He sits us down and holds me in his lap. I don’t want to have to rely on him for anything, but he’s become all I have. If the devil himself is what will keep the demons at bay then I’ll have to put myself at his mercy.

“I thought they were—thought I was—”

“Breathe.”

It takes everything in me not to cry. I breathe him in a few more times before pulling away and sliding off his lap. To my surprise he lets me go.

His eyes don’t stray from me as I try to piece myself back together. I hate feeling this vulnerable in front of him, but in a way I also don’t mind it. He doesn’t judge me. Doesn’t taunt me when I’m feeling like this.

I see genuine concern on his face and my heart pounds.Why does he care about me?

The tracker in my back throbs, reminding me of what he put me through to get it there. But I also remember the way he was so gentle after, how he took care of me.

I don’t know if this is the right decision to make, but I open up another piece of myself to him.

“The night I was taken I ran as fast as I could, but it wasn’t enough. I need to be strong so I know that will never happen again.”

“You don’t need muscle for that,” he says gently.

“That’s easy for you to say because you’re a man. You don’t have to worry about what will happen anytime you walk down a street alone.” I push up off the floor and he gets up with me.

“Neither do you.”

“Of course not because I’m stuck here aren’t I?”

“Because you have me. Wynter, you’re stronger than you realize. You don’t need to work out to prove that to yourself, but if you need to feel physically stronger then I’ll help make that happen. You don’t want to push yourself. Strength takes time. It doesn’t magically come overnight. It’s all about building it up bit by bit until the darkness is a little bit easier to tame. It will never go away completely.” His eyes glaze over as he talks like he’s reliving his own nightmares.

“How can you possibly know that?” I ask quietly.

“I know what it feels like to lose a part of yourself. My pain may differ to yours, but it’s grief all the same. You feel like they’ve stolen a piece of yourself that you’ll never get back, but it’s still there deep inside.” He presses his palm to the center of my chest and I will my erratic heart to slow down. “I can help find it for you and bring it back to the surface, you just have to let me in.”

Now that the door to my heart has opened it feels like there’s no closing it. I may not trust him, but I need to let this out.

Keeping my eyes focused on his hand on my chest I tell him everything. His touch grounds me, stopping the memories from consuming me. He stays silent until I’m finished.

When I finally look up at him, his face is unreadable. I can’t tell if he’s disgusted or not. I’d understand if he was.

“You say I’ll never think of another man again, but they’ve carved themselves deep into my skin and left their hooks behind. No matter how hard I pull at them all I do is push them in deeper.”

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