Page 86 of All Your Pain

Istare at my reflection in the mirror and run my hand over my stomach, smoothing down the fabric of my sundress. I swear I can feel a small bump, even if I can't see it.

Should I be feeling different or is it too early for that?

This morning, about halfway through breakfast, my stomach decided it was a good time to learn acrobatics and I ran to the bathroom just in time to puke everything I just ate up.

I’d put it down to what I ate or the anxiety of Dean being away and not knowing if he’s hurt again but the truth has been in the back of my mind for a while now.

I’m pregnant.

At least that's the gut feeling I have. Without a test I can't be sure but if I ask for one then it'll be obvious and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that conversation yet.

I’m sure I’ve missed more than one period since I’ve been here and I should have realized sooner but I’ve been living in denial about it. I thought that if I didn’t think about it or acknowledge it then it wouldn’t be true.

Did Dean want me to get pregnant?

He’s never mentioned it, we’ve never spoken about it but he’s the one that could have prevented it once he knew he wanted to keep me. I can't help but think this must be what he wants. He's so determined to keep me that maybe he thought putting a baby in me was the last step to tie me to him forever.

My stomach flutters and I think I’m going to be sick again but it’s just butterflies this time.

I think I’m excited about it. The idea of being so wanted makes me feel warm all over and I can't believe how happy I am about all of this, but I really am.

How is Dean going to react when I tell him? Surely he’ll be happy about it as well. He loves me after all.

We’ll have to go to a doctor to make sure the baby’s healthy. I hope he doesn’t suggest the creepy doctor from the hospital. It’s not his area but if Dean still wants to keep me secret then he might be the only option.

As I brush my teeth and have a shower I rehearse how to actually tell Dean the news. By the time he’s home I think I’m ready for how to approach it.

I can’t stop myself from smiling as I head to meet him when I hear the front door open but it quickly drops and I forget everything when I see Dean come in with a body draped over his shoulder.

“Hey, little kitten,” he says, beaming at me as he reaches for my head to pull me in for a kiss. I almost fall into him as I lose my balance when our lips crash together but I can’t enjoy it, not when there’s a freaking body on his shoulder.

“Dean, who is that?” I gulp, taking a step back and he gives me a grin that I’m not sure I like. “Seriously, Dean.”

“Here, your first gift,” he says, handing me a bag but I barely register it and it drops at my feet.

He frowns, picking it up and moving it to the side. “Guess we can do your main gift first,” he says lightly but I don’t understand what he's talking about.

Gift?

Why isn't he acknowledging the person he's holding?

Dean moves past me to unlock the basement door and fear floods through me from memories of my time down there when I first arrived here.

I see the back of the man’s head and instantly recognise the light blonde hair, with flecks of gray, that’s always made the two of us look so different from each other.

I tell myself it can’t be him. Why the hell would Dean have my dad tied up? Why would he bring him here?

My stomach sinks and I know that none of this is going to end well.

“Dean, what’s going on?” I say again but he’s already heading down the stairs and telling me to follow him.

I stand there with my feet frozen to the floor. I can’t go down there, I told myself that everything was fine now but the memory of how Dean took my virginity still stings sometimes.

I’m also not sure if I can actually face my dad.

When I left, I told myself I’d never have to see or speak to him again. Now here he is making me feel tiny again, tarnishing all my happy moments with Dean with his harsh words.

Slut.

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