Page 64 of All Your Pain

“You were incredible, baby. Do you feel good?”

My tongue doesn’t want to work and I just about manage a nod. I feel like a sweaty, sticky mess but also good.Oh, so good.

I’m not sure how long he holds me for but by the time I come back to my senses I remember he has to leave.

“You’re going to be late,” I mumble against his arm.

He lets out a long sigh then says, “I can stay.”

I look up at him and see he clearly wants to stay but I know this job is worth it for him. Like he said, if he just gets it done then that’ll be it for a while. Maybe I can even persuade him to give it up altogether after that?

“No, it’s okay. I’m just going to have a bath then sleep so you might as well go.”

“Let me run the bath for you.” I don’t say no since I can barely move my body to get to the bathroom anyway.

When he comes back he looks so torn but eventually he kisses my forehead and says quietly, “I’ll be back as soon as I can. I promise.”

I kiss him on the lips then hobble to the bathroom. As the door closes behind me, my heart aches at the sound.

It’s not like he’s gone forever, he does this stuff all the time and always comes back.

25

DEAN

“You’re acting weird.”

I keep my sight fixed on the gates across the street, ignoring Bones’s comment, as we wait for our opening. He could be staking out the place from his own car but he insisted it would be more fun to hang out in my car. "It’ll be like a sleepover. No, a stakeover!"

Tonight’s job with Bones is the big one, the one that means I can stay at home with Willow for a few months.

At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.

I’ve already got enough money to not need to take on as many contracts as I do, but I know once the other half of the pay for this one comes through there’ll be a very nice financial cushion afterwards.

There will be no reason for me to need to kill anyone.

Why does that make me nervous?

Inflicting pain on others has been the only outlet I’ve known. Sometimes when everything feels too much it’s good to get it all out by ending a life. That way I can feel in control again.

The need has been there less since I’ve been with Willow but a part of me worries that I’ll take things too far with her again if I don't have this outlet.

She’s only just coming out of the dark hole I made her spiral into, I can’t lose her to her own mind like that again.

I’m hoping that dealing with Willow’s father in front of her will help her to see who I really am and the lengths I’m willing to go to for her. Once I set that plan in motion there’s no going back for either of us.

I’ve not forgotten any of the things she’s told me about him, about what he did and I’m just waiting for the right time to enact my plan and give her the revenge she deserves.

Once he’s dead then there really will be no need to kill.

My fingers twitch over the switchblade in my pocket and a chill runs across my skin.

For the past ten years all I’ve known is death. I welcomed it and embraced giving others the pain I would never feel for myself. I can’t stop that now. It’s a part of me just as much as Willow is. I know she doesn’t like what I do but I can’t just stop for her.

“Dean,” Bones says, nudging my shoulder.

“What?” I groan, turning to face him.

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