Page 60 of All Your Pain

As I open the door to the tv room Willow inhales a sharp breath.

I’ve strung fairy lights all over the place and pushed the coffee table to the side, so I could line the floor with pillows and blankets. She lets go of my hand to move further into the room.

I run my fingers through my hair as I linger behind her, awkwardly waiting to hear what she thinks.

When she turns around, her eyes are shining with tears.

Crap.

I cup her cheeks and ask softly, “why are you crying?”

She shakes her head and wipes her tears away. “It’s just…this is really nice, Dean.”

I let out a sigh of relief and she giggles.

The sound stitches my heart back together.

“Is this what you’ve been doing all day? I did wonder why I didn’t see you. By the way, I didn’t thank you for earlier.” Willow kisses my cheek and my chest swells with pride.

“I used to walk home from school in the rain whenever I could. Dad would never let me go play with the neighborhood kids. I don’t know why, you’d think he would have been glad to have me out of his hair since he never wanted me around anyway. Once or twice he forgot to lock my door and I snuck out into the rest of the house. I’d watch the other kids playing from the window. No matter what the weather was, they'd be running around, laughing. I imagined what it felt like to be that happy. So, thank you, for letting me have that bit of joy earlier.”

I wrap my arms around her, holding her for as long as she needs. After everything she’s been through, she’s the one thanking me.

I’m never going to stop asking myself how I got so lucky.

I will gladly be the one to give her every bit of joy she deserves.

“Did you cook?” she asks curiously, looking at the plates of noodles and dumplings set out on the coffee table.

I should lie and say yes but we both know how bad my cooking is. She’d figure it out instantly. I laugh, “I’m flattered you think I did.”

“It’s getting better,” she chuckles as she taps my chest sincerely.

“Not that much. I thought takeout was a safer choice for tonight.” The last thing I wanted to do was ruin this evening by serving her a crappy meal.

“Is this like a date night?” Even in the dim light I can see how rosy her cheeks are.

I tuck her hair behind her ear and lean in to say, “if you want it to be.”

“I’ve never had a date before.”

Neither have I.

“I used to imagine having a boyfriend. Someone who took me on dates and spoiled me. It seemed like a far off dream, something I could never have. After years of not having any sort of social life I was someone that no one wanted to hang out with, let alone date. But this…this is what I imagined my first time would be like. With a boyfriend. Someone that cared about me enough to do all this.”

As I sit down, I pull her with me so she’s sitting comfortably in my lap. The possessive urge to own her takes over and I end up saying, “don't ever imagine someone else in my place, Willow.”

“I won't.” There’s no hate or resignation in her voice, she sounds almost happy about it. “I’ve had a lot of time to think recently and…I know I’m yours.”

“I should have already given you all this. Your first time should have been special.” It shouldn’t have been some quick fuck on a basement floor. I stroke her thighs as I remember how good she was for me even when I was so rough with her. “Fuck, Willow, I’ve been so selfish, but I won’t be anymore.”

I swear I’ll try to be what she needs me to be.

She leans into me, her head resting on my shoulder as she looks up at me. I feel her heart beating rapidly, matching my own. When she places her palm to my cheek I know she understands.

We settle in together on the floor, her curled into my lap, as we eat. I put a movie on but it doesn’t seem to have her attention. Although her body is relaxed against mine, I can see her mind working overtime.

It’s still raining outside, the sound of it loud against the windows and the winds picking up for what seems to be a stormy night. I grab the remote control, turning the movie off and finding one that fits the moody weather.

---