Page 34 of All Your Pain

Tears threaten to spill from my eyes and I’m not sure why. I tear my gaze off him and start looking through the pages in my hand. I don't manage to take in what’s on them and I hold a random one out to him.

“We can start with this.”

13

DEAN

My anxiety had been building all day. It’s something I’ve not felt in a long time and I remember how much it fucking sucks.

I’m yours.

I’m yours.

I’m yours.

Those two words have been the only thing keeping me calm as they play on a constant loop in my head.

Willow finally gave herself to me and she didn’t break.

Even if she’s not fully on board with our relationship yet she soon will be. I just need to work harder at it, find out what makes her happy and give her what she needs.

Whilst we cook together, she's laughing and smiling. This is the first time I've seen her this relaxed.

We take our food to the couch where I suggested we watch something together whilst we eat. A candlelit dinner seems out of the question right now. I've always thought they looked awkward anyway.

As I sit on one end, Willow sits as far away as possible. I put my plate down so I can slide her closer to me. She lets out a little yell of protest as she tries not to drop her plate but she doesn’t stop me. In fact, I swear I feel the tension in her muscles fade after a few moments and she starts to lean into me just the tiniest bit.

Handing her the remote I tell her she can pick what we watch. “This is all horror,” she says, turning her nose up at my entire for you page being full of horror movies.

“You don’t like horror? Yet you were fine watching me kill someone and you didn’t seem to mind me fucking you covered in blood either?” I say into her neck making her shiver.

“I almost puked when youmurderedthat guy and well, no, I don’t watch horror because I don’t like being scared. I usually watch romcoms or anime.No,not hentai before you ask.”

I snort out a laugh. Fuck, this feels so good, her being comfortable enough to act like this around me.

I tongue my cheek, suppressing a laugh, as I watch the disgusted faces she makes as she keeps flicking through the horror titles. A particularly gory one that I know has a lot of jump scares comes up and I snatch the remote from her.

“Hey!”

“We can watch one of yours tomorrow, tonight we’re watching this.” I press play before she has any time to protest. As it starts she settles next to me and eats her food. When I take my first bite I realize it tastes pretty bad but I don’t want to say anything and end up making her feel bad.

Willow looks up at me and makes a face that makes us both laugh. “So we’re both terrible cooks then,” she laughs. “We have that in common, at least.”

“Yeah, sorry, I don’t cook for myself much and never had a reason to cook for anyone else before,” I say as I take the plate from her but she keeps a tight grip on it.

“No, we're both eating it. It’s the first thing we’ve done together and I’m not just going to throw that away. Plus it’s the first meal I’ve ever cooked.”

“What? I assumed you loved cooking” I say, surprised.

As she tucks a loose hair behind her ear she shrugs. “I never had a chance to cook whilst living with my dad.”

I’m sure she was well looked after at home. From what I've found out so far, her mom was out of the picture, she died when Willow was less than a year old according to the death records. The photos I saw online of Willow and her father made them look like they were a happy suburban family. A far cry from the so-called family I had to endure. But then her words from earlier pop into my head.All I’ve known my whole life is being locked up by men that think they know what’s best for me.

Was she talking about her father? What the fuck did he do to her?

I gently take hold of her chin and make her look at me as I ask, “why did you leave home?”

“I don't want to talk about it.”

---