Page 33 of All Your Pain

“Plans?”

Dean starts to lead me by the hand from the bedroom but I dig my heels into the carpet. “What’s wrong?” he asks. “We’re justgoing to have dinner. You must be starving, you slept most of the day.”

I did?The curtains are still closed so I can’t tell if it’s night or day but the cramps in my stomach tell me he’s right. As I let him lead me downstairs, our fingers entwined, I ask, “you’re not putting the cuffs on?”

“Do I need to?”

“No!” I quickly say. He’s actually trusting me after yesterday. I’m not about to question it and get my ass stuck in the bedroom all night so I quietly follow along.

In the kitchen, the counters are covered in all sorts of ingredients. Pots and pans are stacked up to one side and there’s a pile of cookbooks on another end. “I’m not cooking for you! If you’ve got some bullshit old fashioned views on what a woman does in the house then you might as well kill me now.”

With his back to me Dean picks up a stack of papers and laughs, his shoulder muscles moving hypnotically under his shirt. “I don’t need you to be a maid for me, Willow. I’ve been looking after myself for a long time.” He turns to me and hands me the papers which I now see are all print outs of recipes. “No,we'recooking dinner together. I’ve seen your search history on your phone, you’ve got a lot of recipes saved and I mean a lot!”

He’s been through my phone?I don’t know why I’m surprised. He knows so much about me that I’ve not told him, another violation of my privacy isn’t exactly unexpected.

“You went through my phone to look at my saved recipes? Why?” He must want something out of this.

“How else was I supposed to know you weren’t some crazed serial killer?” I scowl at his attempt at humor but I can feel my lip twitch as I try not to laugh.

“I wonder what I’d find on your phone then.”

“You’re welcome to look,” he winks.

He probably would let me if I asked but do I really want to know what someone that kills people for a living and is okay with kidnapping someone for his own sexual pleasure searches for? No, thank you.

“I’m sure it’s just as dirty as any other guys search history,” I say as I curl my lip.

Dean moves my hands aside so he can step up to me, I take a step back but end up sandwiched tight between him and the counter.

“I wanted to do something nice for you to show you that I’m serious about us.”

There is no us!Is what I want to say but I hold the retort back. I swallow as I peer up at him. Every day it gets harder to be this close to him. All I can smell is him and all I want to do is slide my hands under his shirt to feel his warm body and—

“Pick a recipe, I’ve bought everything we need for all of them so choose whatever one you like.”

Wait, he bought all of this just so I could pick whatever meal I wanted? Surely asking me what I wanted would have been easier but the thought he’s put into this is oddlynice.

“I don’t understand,” I say, pushing at his chest and he takes a step back looking hurt.

He rubs the back of his neck, as he says, “you don’t like it. That’s fine, I’ll think of something else.”

“No, it’s not that, I just…this is all new and kind of weird for me. Why do anything for me? You don’t have to, I’m already here and you’ve told me I can’t ever leave so why even try to be nice?”

“Because I don’t want you to hate me,” his words are filled with so much innocent vulnerability I’ve never seen in him before that my heart breaks a little for him.

“All I’ve known my whole life is being locked up by men that think they know what’s best for me.”

His eyes suddenly go dark and his whole demeanor changes like he wants to hurt someone. For once it’s not me.

“Who hurt you? Whoever they are they’re fucking dead!” he growls.

“Other than you?” I snap half-heartedly and he steps forward but I hold my hand out keeping him at bay.

“Willow, I—,”

“No, let me finish. I know, I can’t leave, that’s the only thing I kind of understand. What I don’t understand is why you would even want me? I don’t know how I feel about you or any of this but I want you to let my heart be my own. You’ve taken over my body and I’m not even sure what my mind is doing but my heart is still mine. You can’t just expect me to give it to you after…after everything.”I hold Dean’s gaze and the darkness in his eyes seems to fade back to his usual sharp blue but there’s still a hint of anger there.

“Okay,” he says quietly.

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