Page 24 of Punished

“Grilled cheese?” I ask, and he returns with a bowl.

“And sopa,” he says, returning with a bowl of pasta shells in tomato sauce. My heart skips a beat when I see the classic from my childhood.

“My Tia Vicky used to make this for me. The sopa. Notwith grilled cheese, though,” I say and smile.

“We’re Mexican Americans. Grilled cheese is the best option for Sopa. We need the best of both worlds.” He flashes me a sincere smile as he dips his sandwich into the soup.

“Okay, Hannah Montana. ¡Calmate!” I roll my eyes as I blow on the shells before I take a bite. I moan at the first bite. It tastes better than I expected. Adrian watches me from across the table, that same smile spread across his face. I haven’t seen him smile like this since we were kids. It’s warm and genuine. A softer version of him he had been only willing to share with me.

“Good?” he asks, and I nod as I go in for another bite.

“I learned a thing or two working in the kitchen at the prison. My homie, Efren, got really into it. I learned the basics of cooking before I had to focus on other things.”

“I can’t cook to save my life, but I do love to eat, and this here is five-star sopa.”

“How does someone who loves to eat forget to eat?” His brows furrow, and I know he’s not letting up on his original question from earlier. Why had I shown up on his doorstep, like Mary Poppins with my medicine bag, when I should be at home? I look down as I try to come up with a response. Deflecting failed, so I take my chance at sarcasm. It’s the only way I can control my anxiety and emotions.The man just gave me five-star sopa, and five-star dick. I don’t want to ruin it with my emotional baggage.

“Well, I ate a protein cookie this morning, and we had clinics today, so I had to stay later. Then I rushed from school to work, and I was on my way to get something from the bodega when I saw Bryan.” He frowns at me when I mention that part. “And then you tied me up whileyouhad lunch, but I had to rush back to the front desk. Then Enrique had me write up Don Mario for drinking on the job again, and I had to deactivate a bunch of key cards.Oh,and then before Bryan left, he decided to come by the front desk, bringing up all the trauma I endured while dating him. Thalia scared him off, but not before she let me know I’m not good enough for you, and by then, I had lost most of my appetite.” I smile to mask the tears that want to come out and take another bite. And the words of my mother help me keep it in.You look so ugly when you cry.

“He did what?” I growl. Mireya is still trying to act unbothered about the entire situation, but I could tell the moment she walked in that she was not okay. I let her tend to my wounds and the sex for a distraction, but we aren’t going to avoid the tough shit. Avoidance is the main ingredient in an unhappy relationship.Why the fuck am I even thinking about a relationship?

She looks down and moves her food around in her bowl, avoiding my question. I walk towards her and grab her chin, forcing her to look at me.

“Tell me what happened with Bryan.” Her lips tremble and she looks away.

“What did he do to you?” I move to face her and take her hands in mine. I had forgotten how weird she gets when it comes to crying. When we were younger, she would holdit in or get up and leave as soon as she saw something that made her emotional. It was a good thing, I guess, for her profession, but not with me.

“Tell me what happened, so I can fix it,” I say, and I mean it. She is nervous, but once the first tear falls down her cheek, she opens up. Telling me about the sick and fucked up ways he would make her pay off his debts, or humiliate her so he could show off to his friends.

He’s a fucking little bitch. Any man who has to degrade a woman to show his authority is really just a fucking coward. He can’t stand up to someone he knows would beat his ass, so he preys on those who are weak. I hate myself because I made her weak when I left her. All the bullshit I spat out, thinking I was helping her, just made her weak so that fucker could take advantage of her.

“Noone is ever going to hurt you again.” I move my chair to her and pull her into me. She lets go of her need to hold it all in and cries into my chest. I refuse to shatter her soul again. I would much rather stick a knife through my heart. She doesn’t need to say what I can see in her eyes when she pulls away from me.Hypocrite.

“There was a time in my life that I felt too damaged for you. I never saw breaking up with you as hurting you. I saw where you were going and the potential you had to be something. I didn’t want the darkness that had suckedme in to follow you and suck you in, too.” This time, it’s me who’s looking away, afraid to let her see that vulnerable part of me.

“I am never going to be the right man for you, but I can’t stop whatever this is.” My darkness would consume her. I know she will eventually see the monster I am and leave, but for right now, I need her to stay here with me. I slide my knuckle up her cheek and catch a fresh tear.

“I’m not afraid of your darkness,” she whispers, her lips inches from mine. “We both failed each other. I made mistakes, too, but I don’t want to lose you.” Her hands are around my shoulders as her fingertips graze the base of my neck, caressing lightly. She leans in to kiss me, and I kiss her again, softer.

I want her to see this side of me. Let her see I can be her punisher and her healer. She needs to understand this balance. I’m willing to give her all of me. The light and the dark. The soft and the deranged.

She can’t have the past version of me that she clings to without seeing the person I’ve become. I hold her in my arms a little longer before we make our way back to the bedroom. I pull the comforter back and move in next to her, pulling her into me and inhaling that sweet vanilla scent. I play with her hair until she falls asleep, and before I meet her there, I make a mental reminder to fuck Bryan’slife up as soon as possible.

I’m waiting in the hotel lobby for Ricky to pick me up. Patricio texted to say he needs to talk in person, summoning me to his estate, which pissed me off because it means I won’t be able to see Mireya tonight.

She has stayed the night every night this week. We’ve grown into a comfortable routine. Every night, she comes over, we eat dinner together, watch tv, and spend the night infused in each other. I even wake up early to drive her to her morning classes.

After Patricio ruined my night with his request to see me, I told her to take my truck and catch a ride home with Alma after work. I wasn’t sure whether I would be home or not, and I didn’t want her alone at the penthouse.

Mireya: Did I sleepwalk last night? (teeth clenching emoji)

Adrian: No. But if you ask me to fuck you again while sleepwalking, I’m going for it.

I already filled her in about the first night she stayed in my apartment, when she turned into a sex-deprived zombie. At first, she was embarrassed, but she admitted she wanted to try it. My little slut was aroused by the idea of me fucking her while she was asleep.

Mireya: You have no shame!

Adrian: Sleeping Beauty didn’t mind.

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