Page 59 of Snowed Under

“I’m sure Fudge would beg to differ.” My phone buzzes from my bag as we sit facing each other. I reach to grab it as Cole rubs his hands together from the cold while the heater kicks in.

“I could be really crude about pussies if I wasn’t such a gentleman.”

“Cole!” I whack him on the arm, but it’s all in jest. It’s truly magical having this much fun with him, even when we’re not rolling around getting hot and heavy. I like this side of us, too. My smile drops though when I glance down to my phone and see my dad is trying to call me. I quickly reject the call and drop it back into my bag like it’s a poisonous snake that will bite me.

“You know, I should really do the honorable thing and take you out on a proper date, Miss Parsons?—”

Shit. I wish I hadn’t picked up my damned phone! I’m sure the expression on my face, even in the dim light of the cab, tells him something’s wrong. I can’t help it when tears spring to my eyes.

“Ains?” He reaches over, his muscular body shifting as he turns. He cups my chin with his hand, his thumb caressing my cheek. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“Nothing.” I shake my head. Hoping that will be enough; I don’t want to put a damper on our evening by dredging up my past.

“It wasn’t Drake, was it? Jesus, if it was?—”

“No.” I quickly touch his arm before he gets worked up about my ex. I can see how he might think it was Drake, he’s probably forgotten the fact I blocked the guy. “It’s just my dad,” I sigh, not meaning it to. It screamswoah is meand I don’t want him to pity me.

I’ve also told him nothing about this so far. It’s too awkward and embarrassing. And we haven’t exactly had the chance to delve into my screwed up relationship with my sperm donor Dad.

“You mentioned you didn’t get along. Do you want to talk about it?”

I shrug. “He’s not exactly ‘Dad of the year’, and he barely ever calls me.”

That leads me to wonder what he wants. Maybe it’s some lame attempt at a Christmas family reunion, where I’m made to feel unwelcome or unwanted again. I already know I’ll be spending it here with Mom. She loves me and doesn’t spend her life resenting me and treating me like a nuisance. Hopefully Cole will want to hang out over Christmas. It may have always been a hard time for me, but I don’t intend on bringing anyone else down with my misery.

“I’m sorry. I hate to see that look on your face.”

I take another breath, knowing I may have implied I didn’t want to talk about it, but also realizing that if Cole and I want to start something between us, then we have to be open and honest with one another. It’s hard for me to let people in, not just from my upbringing, but Drake didn’t exactly leave me with a sense of faith in men when he cheated.

I know Cole is different. I feel like I’m safe letting him in and confiding the things I keep buried. Him knowing these things about me doesn’t send me into a tailspin like it normally would. I never told Drake a damn thing, not that he cared enough to listen.

“You can tell me,” he says softly. “Nothing you ever say could be bad, Ains.”

“Well, you might not mean that if you knew my dad.”

“I do mean it,” he keeps on. “No matter what.”

A ragged breath escapes me. Maybe if I say it fast, it’ll be like it never happened.

“My dad and I don’t exactly see eye to eye,” I start. “In fact, we never have. He’s been in and out of my life over the years. He has another family.”

“Oh. And he lives out of town?”

“Yeah, in Jackson.”

There’s a sharp edge of silence between us in the stark darkness of the cab. Just the moonlight casting a subtle glow across Cole’s face. He looks like an angel. A soft and sexy angel sent here just for me.

“I’m the product of an affair,” I blurt. “So, yeah.” I fold my hands into my lap, feeling tears prick at my eyes. This is all unraveling because my dad tried to call me. If only I hadn’t looked at my phone until I got home.

“An affair?” The shock in his voice is unmistakable.

My cheeks heat at my confession, and it’s not because I’m embarrassed for my mom, or even our situation. It just feels like a lifetime of being unwanted and unloved by him. Why did he tell so many lies? “Yeah. My mom didn’t know he was married. He already had a wife and kids, but clearly he wanted a mistress on the side, and I’m a product of that.”

“Fuck, Ains. I’m so sorry.”

“My mom was in love with him,” I say on a shaky breath, one that feels so different from my usual one. “Maybe he was different then, I don’t know. Things changed when she got pregnant with me and he confessed that he already had a family. Mom was so shocked and hurt, I’m not really sure if she ever got over it. He only acknowledged me when he could no longer deny it through a paternity test.”

“That’s terrible. What an asshole.”

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