Page 56 of Pretend for Me

“Cassie?” he asked, reaching up to touch me once more.

We were practically chest to chest but yet it still felt too far away.

I didn’t respond, my eyes going everywhere but to Matthew’s.

The thunder rumbled again, this time with a flash of lightning sending shockwaves throughout the city block.

Matthew grabbed both my hands in his, squeezing them and pulling my attention to him.

My eyes welled with unshed tears as they met Matthew's jade ones. In his eyes, I saw a hello to my goodbye, his determination evident in his gaze. In that moment, I knew with certainty thistime there would be no goodbye. Neither of us could bear it any longer. Too much time had been stolen from us as it was.

“Cassie,” Matthew said with conviction, rubbing his thumbs along my hands that he was cradling. Blinking back tears of his own, he began paraphrasing the book that started it all. My favorite book,The Velveteen Rabbit. “I love you because with you, I know it’s real. Real because I know I don’t care how I look to other people when you’re around.Youare the magic, Cassie. The shabbiness doesn’t matter because you’re real and we’re real.” Matthew’s voice cracked as he tumbled my walls down to the ground.

He inched his face closer. So close we were sharing breath. “I’m so sorry for breaking your heart. You are the realest thing about me, and it took me losing you to realize that you’re also probably the only real thing about me. It’s always been that way. Ever since you tackled me in the kitchen.”

My heart was beating out of my chest, tears no longer restrained and streaming down my face.

Matthew lifted our joined hands, using his thumbs to wipe each droplet as it fell along my cheeks.

I smiled slowly, afraid I was dreaming. He was saying what I’d always wanted to hear. What I needed to hear.

“Real isn’t how you are made. Does it hurt?” Matthew inhaled sharply, “The answer is yes, it hurts, but I’d rather hurt being real than pretend and feel nothing.” He was back to quotingThe Velveteen Rabbitagain. With that, I sobbed uncontrollably, and Matthew released my hands so he could continue wiping my tears. He looked at me tenderly, rubbing the pad of his thumb over my cheek and down to my lips.

Yearning to be closer to him, I launched myself at him, wrapping my arms around him, lessening the already minute distance between us. Similar to the very first day when we were just two naive kids, looking for something real. And somewherein between nursery magic and the painful outside world, we found our real. Real love. Real everything.

We clung to each other tightly, Matthew’s hands moving up and down my back, caressing me. My fingers grasped the back of his shirt like he was a raft in the ocean, bringing me back to shore.

Matthew pulled back slightly as raindrops slowly fell from the dark sky above, beginning to soak into our skin and clothing. He looked down at me. I hoped he was seeing the same thing I was. We would forever work to make the other real. Matthew caressed my cheek, and I automatically leaned into his touch. He leaned down and brushed his lips to mine tentatively. Angling his head back, he met my eyes, asking for approval to push forward. We both waited for this moment for far too long. We’d both just been too busy pretending to realize it.

I nodded my head before closing the gap between us. He met me halfway, cupping his hands along the side of my face, leaned in, traced his tongue along the seam of my lips, and waited for me to grant him access. Once I did, opening them on a gasp, we were ravenous at the taste of one another. He nipped at my lips as my small fingers grasped at the back of his neck, playing with the hair there that was now damp from the rain. Matthew pulled back and then put his lips to my ear, his warm and delightfully scented breath making goosebumps rise all over my body.

“I wanna love you until all my whiskers fall off,” Matthew whispered, placing a kiss on my temple.

I giggled, remembering him saying it in the alleyway but then frowned when I realized I almost threw away a chance at real love.

I peered up at him with the same devotion I always had for only him, and I spoke my favorite quote that was always meant for him. “Once you become real, you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

After I’d uttered the phrase, I pressed my kissing-induced plump lips to his. All the while, the rain poured harder down on us from above, saturating through our clothing, causing it to stick to our skin and droplets to drip from every inch of us.

Matthew froze as my tongue grazed his lips. I pressed into his body harder, making contact with his arousal.

Upon breaking apart, we gasped for air, and he nodded, assuring me, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

My heart swelled at his words, and I couldn’t wipe the wide grin off my face. Blinking to try to rid my eyes of the combination of the rain and my now happy tears, I realized it was a lost cause.

Neither one of us couldn’t care less that we were getting drenched in the pouring rain. That was until another thunderbolt flashed high in the sky, illuminating the air around us. The rain grew heavier, pelting raindrops onto us, the sting of the pellets of water almost painful.

I shivered, cursing myself for not having grabbed a jacket as I rushed out the door. I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him just yet, but I knew we couldn’t stand out in this downpour much longer.

As if he was reading my mind, Matthew took my hand in his and pulled me in the opposite direction than we were facing.

“Come on. Let's get you out of the rain.”

I laughed and rejoiced at our renewed connection. Our reunion wasn’t getting cut short. We had many years to catch up on, after all.

30

MATTHEW

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