Page 54 of Pretend for Me

I wanted to attend, just let it all go and be free with how I wanted to continue my life. I yearned to stop pretending. To just stop all this madness. Everything was so out of hand I couldn't distinguish what was real from what was fake. Couldn’t decide if I had been trying to protect myself or Matthew more. If that was why the lie fell so easily from my lips. How long could I go on lying—to myself, to others? It was all just so messed up. One big mess.

The only way I could fix this was to finally get out in front of it. Matthew was the only person who would ever truly know me. Our childhood wounds wrapped around us so tightly that you couldn’t figure where I began and he ended. Healthy, probably not? But love? It was always love. It just had gotten convoluted along the way. People and forces got in our way and pushed us off the only path we were meant to be on.

I looked over at Oreo, who came over tail in hand, so to speak, and sat on my lap, calmly purring. It was as though he was approving of my sudden bravery.

Now the question was whether I was courageous enough to finally stop running and face myself. I grabbed Oreo and moved him so that I could stand and put my shoes on, not even bothering changing out of my jeans and long-sleeved t-shirt.

Hopefully I wasn’t too late.

28

MATTHEW

“Bourbon, neat,” I ordered, smirking a hello to Audrey, who was leaning against the bar, making a face as she sipped the drink in her hand.

“Matthew.” Audrey smiled at me. “She told me about the tattoos, you know.” She took another sip of her drink before placing it on the bar.

I cupped the back of my neck with my hand. “She did?” I asked, sheepishly.

Audrey squeezed my arm. “What a beautiful gesture.” She smiled sympathetically.

“Thanks,” I said, looking around the crowded room. I moved to go say hello to Holden, suddenly uncomfortable.

“Wait!” she said as I turned back around. “Do you still have the cemetery's number?”

I nodded, pulled out my phone, and began rattling off the phone number. Audrey keyed in the digits into her phone. “Thank you, Matthew.” Audrey looked at me with tears in her eyes, opening her mouth to say something but instead she shook her head.

“Sure.” I nodded, sincerely wanting her to get the closure I wasn’t afforded.

“You’re a good man,” Audrey whispered and moved toward the door. “If anybody asks, I went to get some air.”

The guests laughed and drank,celebrating Holden and Bridget’s whirlwind romance. I sat next to Silas, across from Holden and Bridget who stopped to make out every five minutes.

I looked around the restaurant for Audrey, hoping she was okay after asking for the cemetery’s number. I’d contemplated many avenues in order to reunite her with her daughter’s final resting place, but ultimately, I knew redemption was a solo mission. Even if you failed, as I felt I did.

After a second scan of the room, I spotted Audrey heading to the women’s restroom. I wished for her story to end more positively than my own.

“Speech, speech,” Holden chanted at me. I looked over at my best friend, puzzled.

“You’re my best man. You need to give a speech,” Holden demanded, taking a piece of bread and shoving it into his mouth. Etiquette was never Holden’s forte.

“I’m your best man?” I asked. I wasn’t surprised, but I had thought Holden would have at least asked me instead of telling me.

Who was I kidding? This was classic Holden.

I looked over Holden incredulously but stood up. I grabbed a champagne flute from a passing waiter and gathered my thoughts. I took a deep breath.

Here goes nothing.

I gently tapped my glass with a knife off the table and waited until the room quieted down. All eyes were on me. I felt the pressure mount so I looked down at Bridget and Holden. Bridget narrowed her eyes at me, giving a warning of sorts, while Holden patiently waited on what I was going to say. We’d all be surprised because I had no clue.

“Good evening, I’m Matthew Adams. I’ve been Holden’s best friend since childhood, and apparently, I’m also his best man.” That honest candor earned me a few chuckles.

“All jokes aside. When I first met Bridget, if I’m being honest, I was skeptical of her relationship with Holden and questioned if they were meant to be. Bridget’s a respected businesswoman, and Holden’s … Holden. Kidding, sort of.” I tilted my head, biting back a snort. I needed to do this for my friend—Holden was always there for me. He deserved this. Even Bridget was growing on me.

“But after spending time with the pair, I realized that sure it’s soon and they both probably have a ton of obstacles ahead of them, but in love, you need to be fearless and completely and utterly real. The fears, the noise—it all doesn’t matter at the end of the day. What matters is that two people were brave enough to be true to themselves, and each other, and surrender to their fears in order to come together fully. To support one another unconditionally, through the good times and the bad ones. To stand beside each other until they are no longer afraid anymore. Bridget and Holden, I wish you a lifetime of being real. To Bridget and Holden.” I raised my glass, looking up from a crying Holden to come eye to eye with the lone figure standing by the front door. There stood my real. My Cassie. Wide-eyed and stunned by my impromptu speech about everlasting love.

She watched as Bridget and Holden embraced me, but my eyes didn’t move from hers. Cassie shuffled as though she wasuncomfortable under my unrelenting gaze. I knew her well enough to know she was going to bolt.

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