Page 28 of Pretend for Me

“Cassie, I know you love Matthew, but you need to prepare yourself for the day when you might have to live without him. People aren’t homes.”

Later that evening,Cassie paced around the basement, back and forth. She wouldn’t dare get in bed with him, not yet. She knew he hated talking about things, but if he wanted her to stay, he was going to talk.

After a few minutes of this, Matthew seemed to grow agitated, watching her move back and forth for the hundredth time. “Something on your mind?” he muttered.

“Why yes! Something is on my mind. You shut me out. You don’t seem to care that things are different between us. We aren’t as close. It’s like we are drifting apart.” She whispered the last part.

“Cassie, we sleep in the same bed every night. You’re my girlfriend.”

“Matthew, please,” she pleaded. She wasn’t even sure what she was pleading for, but Cassie had to try to fix this.

“Cassie, you’ve been a ghost. You barely say two words to me. You’re sketching all the time. You don’t want to do anything. I even said I’d join the fucking art class with you, just to spend time with you. Don’t say I’m pushing you away. You pushed me away first!” Matthew raised his voice at her for the first time.

“Matthew, I—” Cassie started, feeling like a scolded child. His words sunk in and she realized she had been a terrible girlfriend lately.

“No, let me finish. I know you’re afraid of losing me. I’m afraid of losing you too. I promise that’s not going to happen. I’m not going anywhere.” Matthew rose from the bed, taking her broken pieces and attempting to make them whole.

“What if …” Cassie wondered how much of her fears she should divulge to Matthew. “But what if you get adopted?” There she’d said it.

Silence surrounded them for a minute. She knew he was thinking about the possibility of being adopted. Something he never did. One of the things he did for survival. Cassie understood he wasn’t a hopeful person.

“Cassie, I doubt that will happen. Charlotte’s having a hard enough time finding a family and she’s only a little kid!”

She hugged herself, hating the uncertainty of it all. “But what if you do?” Cassie crossed her arms like a petulant child, waiting for his response.

“Cassie, we will figure it out.” Matthew tried to pacify me, sounding nervous.

“No, Matthew, this is what’s bothering me. All these what-ifs. I don’t know if—I don’t know—” She blew out a breath. “I don’t know anything anymore. I’m afraid.”

Grabbing her face into his hands, he spoke calmly. “Cassie.”

Cassie refused to look at him, so she squeezed her eyes shut.

Matthew caressed her cheek with his thumb. “Baby, we are going to be okay.”

Her eyes popped open, slowly. “But?—”

Matthew kissed Cassie to shut her up. Pulling away, he whispered, “But nothing. You and me forever. No matter what,wewon’t change. I don’t care who adopts me or you, or if we age out. I’ll always stay me, and you’ll be you. No pretending, Cassie. Not us. We’re the real deal. I promise it’s always real. We’re real … ‘Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.’ ”

She examined his face, looking for the truth in his words. Cassie found a semblance of what she was looking for, and similar to the first day they met, she tackled him. Except unlike then, this time, Matthew caught her in his arms.

Cassie kissed him with such reverence that Matthew could barely keep up. Matthew quoting her favorite book from childhood made her swoon.

“Where is that book anyways?” She laughed, pressing her forehead to his.

They pulled apart, looking at one another as though they were the only two who existed. It was them against the world. Who would dare challenge such a bond?

Mrs. Baker’sprospective parent visits resumed shortly after Cassie’s first art competition.

While she didn’t win first place and a spot in the summer program, Cassie won new art supplies. Grateful for whatever was given to her, she wanted to try again when the next contest presented itself.

Matthew was helping Charlotte put her hair into a ponytail when there was a knock at the door. Cassie had just finished making Gretchen’s bed so she ran to get it.

There stood their case worker and a couple in their late forties. They were impeccably dressed. The woman wore a floral dress and wedges. The man wore a three-piece suit and had a bulky watch attached to his wrist.

“Cassie, dear,” Mrs. Baker greeted her, gesturing for her to let them inside.

She didn’t want to. Her mind and body were screaming at her not to let them in. She had a sinking feeling that everything was about to change, and not for the better.

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