Page 11 of Pretend for Me

“I know. I know, but I was so angry. Surprised too. Surprised at how I felt. How I feel,” I implied.

“And how do you feel?” Audrey implored, trying to tame my now frizzy brown locks.

I pursed my lips but was silent. I couldn’t say the truth, even to myself.

Audrey nodded and reassured me, “You’re going to be okay. Everything’s going to be okay. I promise.”

7

MATTHEW

Ientered my apartment, still reeling from my encounter with Cassie. Ten years. Getting to see her after all this time, to say her name—the feeling was indescribable. But it didn’t take very long to turn to shit. I hated how fucked our reunion was. What did I think would happen? I wasn’t stupid; I had that piece of paper from Princeton to prove it. I knew there were unresolved feelings between us, but I at least thought she’d be happy to see me. I never would’ve imagined she’d have slapped me. I started pacing back and forth, running my fingers through my hair.What a mess!

“What’s wrong?” Charlie inquired, her mouth full of food, “Your honey not like the suit?”

When I didn’t answer, Charlie turned her attention from the television. “What’s up, buttercup?”

“I saw her. I can’t believe it.” I started to blather but stopped when the elevator doors opened with a ding. Louisa didn’t alert me that I had company.

Holden walked out of the elevator, huffing and puffing. “What the hell was that about? I hope you're happy. Bee’s pissed,and that means she doesn’t want me to spend the night. Do you know how hard it is for me not to have sex daily, man?”

“Ow.” I slapped Holden behind his head, pointing to Charlie.

“Oh, don’t stop on my account. What the hell is going on?” Charlie demanded, turning off the flat screen television.

“Did you see her? She looks beautiful and happy. Well, she looked happy until she saw me. God, what the hell am I going to do?” I couldn’t help but ramble, more to myself than my company.

“Who’s beautiful? I really hope you aren’t talking about my Bee like this! When I told you to find an older woman, I didn’t mean mine, jackass,” Holden bellowed.

“Fight, fight, fight,” Charlie chanted, throwing her head back in laughter.

Holden straightened his posture, reminding me of our size difference.Fucker!

“Shut up!” I shouted, “Both of you. You’re like two five-year-olds.”

“You’re such a fucking douche, Matt. Can’t you just go fuck someone on your roster again?” Holden whined.

I cringed, looking anywhere but at Charlie. While I was not celibate by any means, there was no reason to flaunt my escapades, especially in front of Charlie. It was not like I fucked all the single women in Manhattan. No, that had been Holden’s goal.

I had a few women I’d see regularly—friends-with-benefits arrangements, or a “roster” as Holden liked to call it—since I took comfort in having the same rotation of women around to take out to work parties. The nights usually ended with us back at their places for some fun. The arrangement was mutually beneficial. I got my parents off my back by not attending the events alone. The women seemed to enjoy my company and being seen on my arm. Everyone got a couple nights of fantasticsex without the complication of feelings. It was simple and just a means to an end.

“Asshole. I don’t want your woman, and why would you even bring up my private business right now?” I gritted my teeth. “No, I was talking about the waitress. The waitress at the restaurant was Cassie. Remember Cassie,myCassie?” I waited for the metaphorical elevator to reach the top floor.

Holden’s lips formed an “O,” his face showing understanding as it all clicked together now. “ThatwasCassie! I’m so sorry, man. It’s just I’ve never felt this way about a chick before. I’m like a caveman with her.”

“You saw Cassie? OMG! Did you talk to her? Did she talk to you? Are you going to get back together?” Charlie practically bounced off the walls, jumping from her spot on the couch and starting to pace the foyer of the apartment.

“Yes, I saw her. If by talk you mean me trying to talk to her and her slapping me, then also yes.” I inhaled sharply and shook my head. “Getting back together—no, I don’t even think it’s a possibility. But we can’t pretend this reunion didn’t happen either. I just want the opportunity to right my wrongdoings. The rest is up to her.”

I wasn’t about to be unrealistic. Ten years had passed. Time moved on. Cassie could have moved on. Cassie’s whole life used to be me. Now her whole life was a mystery to me. I didn’t like it, but I couldn’t pretend the past didn’t happen.

You have the slap mark to prove it.

“What time do you need to be back? I don’t need anyone calling me and accusing me of kidnapping you,” I inquired, itching to just be alone.

Charlotte waved me off.

“Fuck! If I knew that was Cassie, I would have tried to talk Bee out of firing her. Poor girl was sacked todayafter the spectacle you both caused.” Holden looked at me sympathetically.

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