Page 55 of Pretend for Me

Cassie lingered for one moment before she turned and ducked out the door behind her.

I was used to her running. She was like a skittish cat, always taking off. Sure, she could just be here to celebrate her boss, but something told me to follow her. I exited the restaurant, taking a deep breath. I crept closely behind her retreating form, mainly wanting to make sure she was okay. She shouldn't be alone on this dark and gloomy night. I peered up at the dark clouds filling the sky, taking in the way the air felt heavy. A storm was coming.

Wordlessly, I observed Cassie as her body blanched, taking in how she pressed her palm on the side wall of the restaurant, stumbling as she walked along the sidewalk. She leaned against the facade of the building, facing the taxis and cars passing by. Cassie threw her hands up to cover her face.

“Cassie?” I called out to her, holding the door to the restaurant open, unsure if she wanted company.

“What, Matthew? Just leave,” Cassie begged. “You should leave.”

I shook my head, even though she couldn’t see me since her face was still in her hands. The sky darkened even more, the clouds growing in number, and thunder rumbled a little ways away.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You seem pretty upset.” I shut the door behind me, stepping forward but maintaining a healthy distance, not wanting to cross her obvious boundaries.

A couple holding hands passed by us hurriedly, trying to beat the impending storm. Their fingers threaded together tightly as they sped along, and I couldn’t help but wish I could do the same with the beautiful woman in front of me.

“I can’t do this anymore, Matthew,” Cassie expressed as the couple passed, her voice cracking as she spoke my name.

“Do what?” I implored, moving a little closer but still not close enough to touch her.

“Pretend,” she said, simply, her voice hoarse from crying.

“Pretend?” I broached hesitantly. I didn’t want to set myself up for disappointment yet again. After all, I’d been rejected by her at every turn since we were reunited a few weeks ago.

“I’m exhausted. So fucking tired of all of this pretending.”

“What are you pretending about?” I asked, searching her face for answers.

“I can’t stand here and pretend we don’t have history. I can’t pretend it doesn’t kill me to see you and not talk to you. I can’t pretend I don’t love you when I do—I always have. I can’t pretend anymore.” Cassie sobbed, slowly peeking her head up as she blurted out her confession. She wiped her nose and finally looked into my eyes once more.

I hoped she recognized the look in my eyes. It was the same look I’d given her since I could comprehend what it meant—love.

29

CASSIE

“Idon’t want you to pretend, Cassie. This is real.We’vealways been real.” He inched closer, grazing my fingertips with his.

I was lost in the sincerity that shone clearly through his crystalline gaze. A sense of calm settled over me as I allowed myself to accept the truth in his words and the gentleness in his touch. I responded and brushed my fingers against his, almost caressing his hand, so delicate, so tender. “I lied, Matty.” I confessed, feeling so much shame.

“About not loving me?” he questioned. “Why?”

I swallowed loudly. “Why?” I echoed. “Why does anyone lie? I was terrified. So fucking scared. I still am.” I peered up at him through my eyelashes. “Seeing you again after all those years, I was shocked. Not just shocked at seeing you again but shocked at how much I still loved you.” My voice cracked, as I finally told the truth. “You’re the only person who knows what we went through. There was a time when you probably knew me better than I knew myself. I got lost in you back then. I couldn’t let it happen—not again. You had this power over me. A power strongenough to break me. I gave you my heart and then you shattered it.”

“Cassie, I?—”

“I can see now that you didn’t mean to intentionally, but that doesn’t negate the fact that you did. So, if I were to give into you a second time, what was to say it wouldn’t happen again?” I reasoned, shrugging my shoulders.

“I never wanted to break you, Cass,” Matthew defended, wringing out his hands. “I’m sorry that I ever made you feel like I did.”

“I love you, Matty. I always have. But I needed to learn to love myself more.”

“What changed?” Matthew wondered. “Not that I’m complaining. I just want to understand what changed your mind.”

“You,” I answered candidly.

“Me?”

“Yes, you changed.” I bit the inside of my cheek. “You’re so much stronger in your beliefs. Whereas before, you just went with the flow. Now you hold your ground, even against me. To be honest, we both had to change, grow into who we are now.”

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