Page 92 of Our Final Encore

She clears her throat on the other end of the line. “I just wanted to say…I’m sorry.”

“What?” My brows wrinkle together as I glance around the room, my eyes landing on an old photo of us from prom. I had it blown up and framed, along with a few others from when we were even younger. Her smile in that photo is so radiant, she looks blissfully happy and worry-free. I wonder if I’ll ever get to see that side of her again.

“I think I was a little bit too harsh on you. So–I’m sorry.”

“You shouldn’t be sorry,” I shake my head.

“Can we talk–in person?”

My eyes perk up. “Right now?”

“Um, sure. If you want.”

Before she’s able to finish her sentence I’m across the room grabbing my keys, and then locking the door behind me. “I’ll be there in ten.”

When I knockon Opal’s front door, her mother is the one who opens it. The disapproving frown on her face makes me feel a bit nervous and self-conscious. Her mom has always been friendly towards me, but I’ve never gotten the impression that she truly approved of me dating her daughter. According to Opal, her mother has always gone on dates with men here and there, but never settled down with one. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that her standards for Opal are just as high as the standards she sets for herself.

“Hey, Ms. Lancaster. I’m here to check on Opal.”

She shakes her head slightly and rolls her eyes. “Please, Alex, you can call me Melissa.” She holds the door open for me to come in. “She’s in her room.”

I nod and walk past her towards Opal’s room. I lightly knock on the door twice before her small voice tells me to come in.

“Hey,” I say as I push the door open.

Her eyes meet mine, they’re brimmed with red like she’s been crying. “Hi.”

She looks fairly miserable laying in her bed, even though it looks cozy and inviting. Her laptop and a few books are sitting on top of her comforter, and a fuzzy blue blanket is covering half of her body.

I apprehensively sit on the edge of her bed, making sure no part of my body is touching hers, even though all I want to do isscoop her into my arms and make sure she’s alright. But I know it isn’t the time for that, if she wants me to touch her, she’ll tell me.

“How are you feeling?” I ask.

She shrugs. “A little better. It’s boring and lonely just sitting here all day, but I’m alright.”

I nod and chew on the corner of my lip. “You wanted to talk?”

“I just wanted to apologize. I’m not sure how you’ve managed to put up with all my crazy mood swings.” Her eyes are pointed down at her hands, which are nervously picking at the lint on her blanket.

“You put up with mine for years, it’s the least I can do.”

She glances up at me for only a second, then pauses before taking a deep breath. “When you were gone, it was easier to convince myself to hate you than to grapple with the fact that I might still love you. And sometimes I still feel like there’s too much baggage for this to work. But when we’re together, when it’s just the two of us, I can’t pretend like I don’t feel at home. I feel a happiness that I haven’t felt in so long, but that’s what scares me.”

I reach over and rest my hand on her thigh, willing her to keep talking because I’m afraid that if she stops, I might never hear everything that’s on her mind right now.

“I think sometimes…I feel like I don’t deserve you. Or anyone for that matter. I feel like I should just be alone–because it would be easier, there’s less risk of getting hurt if I’m alone. Sometimes I search for a reason to be mad at you when there isn’t one, just to create distance between us. It’s because I’m afraid of getting hurt again. I’m afraid of feeling happy, because I know how much it hurts when that happiness is ripped away.”

If only she knew how deeply I understand those feelings. For most of my life, I’ve felt like I didn’t deserve to be happy. Like there was just something so deeply wrong with me that itcaused everything good in my life to eventually disappear. It’s the reason I never felt like I was good enough for the woman sitting in front of me right now. Somewhere deep down, I knew she’d eventually disappear too, and I felt like walking away first was the only way I’d survive it.

“Opal…” I sigh. “You deserve so much better than I could ever give you. But that won’t stop me from trying to be the absolute best man I can possibly be. If there’s any reason for me to change, it’s you. And our child.”

A small, sad smile touches her lips before it disappears. “I’ve never been so afraid ever before in my life. When you left, I was afraid then because I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want to lose you. But now? It’s even more terrifying imagining myself going through that same thing, but with a child to look after.”

I shut my eyes, a dull pain radiating through my chest as her words burrow deep inside of it. “I understand.”

“But…I’m also afraid of not giving this another chance, and missing out on what could be.” I peek up at her, and her sad blue eyes are carefully studying mine. “Maybe things had to fall apart for us to know how to put them back together the right way.”

“So,” I start.

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