Opal, you are the one thing in my life that has always been constant. Unwavering. Impossibly good no matter how many times I pushed you away or hurt you.
Over the last twelve years we’ve been through a countless amount of ups and downs, and most of the downs were my doing. I don’t deserve you, that much I know to my core. You are everything I’ve always tried to be, but failed; kind, selfless, wise.
For a long time I was lost. My world was dark and cold because of the choices I had made, and because I had pushed you out of it, the only person who was able to shed a tiny bit of light. Being around you has reminded me of who I used to be.
I could try for the rest of my life and never be half the person you are, but I promise you I will try anyway.
You’re the face behind every love song I’ve ever written, and no matter how our story may pan out, you’ll always be my muse.
Tears well in my eyes and a lump forms in my throat.
“Knock knock,”Maisie’s voice is muffled from behind my closed bedroom door.
I quickly wipe my wet eyes and close the app, setting my phone face down on the bed. “Come in,” I say.
“I have a care package for you.” She’s carrying a large wicker basket in her hands, smiling and waving it back and forth. “Here,” she says before plopping it down in my lap.
I can’t help but smile at my friend’s attempt at cheering me up, she has impeccable timing. The basket is filled with some of my favorite things: a couple of books, a brand new journal, some colorful gel pens, and two chicken tacos that appear to be from the food truck on main street.
“You’re too good to me,” I say before unwrapping one of the tacos and taking a bite. I’m not supposed to eat a lot of salty foods, so this will probably be my one little cheat meal for the next few days.
“I know.” She flips her hair and smiles before kicking her shoes off and sitting next to me, kicking her feet up onto my bed. “How are things?”
I shrug, continuing to chew on my food.
She gives me a look like she knows something is up. I haven’t told her anything about my trip with Alex, I didn’t even mention that I was at the beach with him. For some reason I’ve felt the need to keep everything close to my chest, afraid that the other shoe would drop at any minute. And I guess it sort of did.
After finishing my food, I place my ‘care package’ on my side table along with my trash. “I’m fine. It’s pretty boring sitting here all day, but I’ll be alright.”
She gives me a sympathetic smile. “I’ll be here to keep you company through it all.”
“Thanks. Oh and by the way, fuck you for not telling me how shitty this pregnancy thing is,” I playfully slap her arm.
“Hey, my pregnancy was a breeze, I didn’t know I needed to warn you.”
“Ugh. I’m jealous,” I roll my eyes.
“I know, I love you though.” She drapes one arm around my neck and hugs me tight.
“I love you too.”
“Now tell me how you really are. What’s going on with you and Alex?”
I roll my eyes. “Nothing.”
She quirks one brow. “Nothing? You’re having his kid and you’ve been spending time together, I know it’s not nothing.”
Scrubbing a hand down my face, I let out a sigh. “I don’t think itcanbe anything.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s just too complicated. There’s too much baggage, you know how much he hurt me.” For once in her life, she’s silent, staring at me with nothing but compassion in her amber eyes. “I’m just…scared. I don’t want to feel that way again. Not ever.”
She nods and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “I could tell you were crying when I came in here. I wasn’t gonna say anything, but if I need to go kick his ass I will. What’d he do?”
I shake my head. “That’s the thing, he didn’t really do anything. I feel like I’m just too scared to let him back in, almost like I’m searching for reasons to be angry with him.” I reach for my phone and pull up Instagram. My notifications are still blowing up. “He posted this…that’s why I was crying.” I pass the phone to her. “Which doesn’t even make sense, but don’t judge my emotional pregnant ass.”
She smirks and takes the phone from me. Her eyebrows perk up as her eyes scan the screen. “Wow…” she blinks as she stares at the phone in her hand. “That’s…really sweet.”