Page 34 of Our Final Encore

“I’d like that, but I have plans, Alex. I’m going to college, and my family is here in Texas.” Her voice cracks slightly, and now she’s refusing to make eye contact with me at all.

Suddenly I realize how selfish I probably sound, this ismydream, but that doesn’t mean it’s hers. I swallow the lump in my throat and step towards her again, reaching out to grab her hand. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to force you into anything,” I say.

She chews on her lip, her eyes narrowed and focused squarely on my shoes. “It’s just…a lot.” Finally she looks up at me and I see the tears pooling in the corner of her eyes.

Shit, I feel like a dick now. I wrap my arms around her again, feeling like I need to hold on tightly to her. Like even though she’s right here in front of me, she’s somehow slipping away at the same time. “I’m sorry. Just think about it, okay? There’s plenty of time to decide what you want to do.” I lean down to press a kiss to her forehead. “I love you, bluebird. Always.”

“I love you, too.” Her voice is quiet, barely there. “Always.”

TWENTY-TWO

Opal

“Opal?” My mom’s voice carries from the other side of my bedroom door.

“Yeah?”

“Can we talk for a sec?” She pokes her head into my room, and her voice is lacking the usual carefree quality it typically carries. It instantly sets me on edge.

“Sure.” I stare at her made up face, noticing the lines that keep getting deeper. She looks exhausted.

She sits down on the edge of my bed where I’m still laying under the comforter, even though it’s well past noon. Suddenly I feel guilty about the fact that I haven’t bothered getting a job this summer, instead I’ve been spending every possible second with Alex before he leaves.

“Mamaw isn’t doing too well.” She lays her hand flat on my white quilt and smoothes it out.

My grandma started having arthritis a couple years ago, and unfortunately it’s kept progressing to the point where some daysshe can’t do normal tasks. My mom and I take turns going over to her house to help her cook and clean.

“What do you mean?”

“Last night she had a fall, she’s going to need a hip replacement.”

My brow rises and my stomach suddenly feels sick. I don’t know what I’d do without my grandma, she’s been my rock ever since I was a little girl. Of course my mom and I are very close, but my bond with Mamaw is different. I’ve always felt like we understood each other in a special way.

“Is she okay?”

“She’s going to be fine. She’s just going to need some extra attention, she won’t be able to walk for at least a few weeks, and the doctors said she’s at high risk for falling again so she shouldn’t be left alone.”

“Oh…” That definitely doesn’t sound good. “So, are you going to go stay with her?”

“Well, you know how I’ve been working a lot more lately? I, um, I rented an apartment in Dallas. Just so I can stay there during the week at least and not be driving back and forth constantly.” What the hell? Why didn’t she tell me this before now? “So, we need to discuss our options. I was thinking maybe you could take a gap year, or take online classes at the community college. I don’t want to make you do that, but…nursing homes are very expensive, and so is university, I can’t afford to pay for both right now.”

I balk at the last words she says. “What? A nursing home? No, we can’t do that, Mom. Why did you wait so long to tell me this?”

“It only happened last night, I had no idea that things were getting worse.” She sighs, like I’m the one troubling her.

You probably would have known if you were ever around.I feel guilty for thinking it, because I know it’s her income that’skeeping us afloat, but I’m angry. She’s expecting me to put my life on hold so that she can keep living hers.

“You could’ve at least told me you were moving.”

“It’s not really moving, I’ll just be there five days a week, I’ll be home on the weekends.”

Five days a week, AKA the majority of the time.

I inhale a deep breath and close my eyes. “Okay, I’ll stay. I’ll take a gap year.”

Mom wraps her arms around me and squeezes me tight against her. The familiar smell of her perfume comforts me even though I’m still pissed at her. “Thank you, Opal. You’re a good girl, you always have been. I’ve never had to worry about you.” She backs up and I see the reflection of my blue eyes shining in her hazel ones. “I know you’ll go on to accomplish great things, O, more than I’ve ever done.”

Part of me is angry, but another part feels almost…relieved?

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