Page 85 of Our Final Encore

“Then why? Tell me why you didn’t choose me? You could have come home. We could have saved our relationship, but you didn’t want to.”

“I was scared,” I finally say.

“Scared?”

“I was scared of fucking up. I felt like it was inevitable that eventually you would move on and find someone better than me, because I knew in my heart that I didn’t deserve you, Opal. I still don’t, but I’m trying now, I really am.”

She laughs under her breath and rolls her eyes. “Poor Alex. Scared of committing to the one person that never abandoned him. Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?”

Her words sting, but I let them roll over me, refusing to act like I’m the victim here because I know that won’t help. “No, you’re not.”

“Just bring me home.” She zips up her bag and throws it over her shoulder.

“Can’t we just spend the rest of the day here? I know you’re angry, you have every right to be, but I still want you to enjoy our vacation. What can I do to fix it?”

“Nothing!” She throws the bag down, and it falls to the floor with a thud. “There is nothing you can do, okay? The damage is done and clearly it’s not fixable. I’m not over it.” She isn’t crying,but I can see her resolve beginning to crack. I’m not sure if it’s from sadness or anger, though.

“Please,” I whisper. “If I have to beg for a second chance for the rest of my life, that’s what I’ll do. Just don’t shut me out.”

She shakes her head and closes her eyes. “I can’t let you back in. It’s too hard.”

My mind wanders back to last night, how peaceful and happy she looked laying in my arms, and I feel my heart crumble in my chest. “I’m not going to stop trying. I love you, Opal. I know that I’ve fucked up beyond belief, but I also know that we’re meant to be together.”

For a second a flicker of emotion crosses her face, but she quickly schools her expression and picks the bag off the floor again. “Let’s just go home.”

FIFTY-TWO

Opal

After our silent drive home, Alex pulls into my driveway, and without a word I open my passenger side door and slam it behind me, not bothering to watch as he drives away. Anger and resentment simmers beneath my skin, heating my entire body.

I don’t know who I’m more angry at, him or myself. Maybe I should have let it roll off my back and kept trying to enjoy the free vacation, but at this point in my life I’m just tired. I’m tired of pretending I’m okay when I’m not, and it’s becoming harder and harder to pretend.

Just when I thought I might be getting over it, ready to leave our past behind us, I’m right back where I started. This just proves what I already knew, I can’t let it go. And as much as I want to, I can’t trust Alex.

“You’re home already?” My mom calls out to me as I walk past her towards the front door. She and Mamaw are sitting on the porch together drinking tea.

“Yeah.” I don’t wait around for the rest of the conversation that’s sure to ensue. Instead I collapse onto my bed and finally let out the tears that have been threatening to fall ever since we left Crystal Cove.

A throbbing headache blooms in my head suddenly, causing me to wince and shut my eyes. “Fuck,” I say out loud under my breath.

I guess I have a migraine coming on. I experienced one years ago, but I don’t remember it coming on so suddenly like this.Great.Another fun pregnancy symptom, I’m sure.

I crawl out of bed to retrieve some Tylenol from the kitchen, praying it’ll do something to take the edge off of the pain. Once I’m balanced on my feet, tiny dots dance around my line of vision and I have to blink a few times to focus my eyes. What the hell?

Slowly, I make my way out of my room and pass by Mamaw and my mom in the living room.

“You okay, honey?” My mom’s face is twisted into a concerned expression that isn’t normally there. Typically our relationship is closer to what I’d assume sisters have, or maybe an aunt and niece. We love each other, but I’ve always viewed her more as a friend than a parent.

“Yeah, fine. Just have a horrible headache.” The last thing I want is to rehash this morning’s events with them. Now that it’s all said and done, I’m a bit embarrassed by the way I reacted, but not enough that I want to apologize to Alex. What would be the point anyway?

“I thought you two would stay down there longer than one night?” Mamaw says, the kitchen wall separating us now as I pick through the medicine cabinet.

“I wasn’t feeling well.” It’s close enough to the truth.

My mom walks into the kitchen behind me, and softly lays her hand across my forehead the way she used to when I was alittle girl. It’s vaguely comforting. “Do you think you’re getting sick?”

“No. Just a migraine. I feel a bit dizzy too, I think I’m gonna go take a nap.”

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