Page 22 of Be a Good Girl

Michelle nods back and waits, then asks, “And I can assume this has nothing to do with work?”

“Nothing to do with work.” I shake my head. “Well, maybe tangentially.”

“Go on.”

I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. “As we’ve discussed, I’ve never had much of a dating life.”

“Yes, you said you never felt ‘that spark you’re supposed to feel’ from anyone.”

“That’s right.” Instantly I’m taken back to the first moment Damien stepped into my life. That’s when everything changed. “Well, I’ve finally met someone. His name is Damien.”

“Alice, that’s wonderful!” Michelle looks genuinely happy, and that’s one of the reasons I love coming to see her.

“It is, yes.”

“But there’s a problem?”

“Well, without getting too explicit”—I feel myself blushing—“Damien’s and my relationship isvery…physical. I don’t think I ever told you this, but I was…a virgin until I met him.”

Most people would react obviously to me revealing this to them here, but Michelle is very careful not to.

“And are you regretting that decision?” she asks. “Is that why you are here? Sometimes women regret who they choose as their first intimate partner and feel–”

“Oh, no, no, no!” I blurt out, reaching for my water. I guzzle a quarter of it while shaking my head. “I amsohappy I chose Damien, Michelle. In fact, I feel like a whole new woman today. I feel incredible!”

Michelle looks back at me, her expression soft, but I can see she’s confused as to what I’m doing here based on what I’ve said so far. I don’t blame her. I would be too if I were her.

“Again, without being too explicit, Damien has done something incredible. He’s flipped the power dynamics in my life.” I don’t know why, but I’m so emotional. In fact, I’m fighting back tears as I speak. “He takes control of me in…so many ways…and Ilethim. For the first time in years, it’s like I’m no longer the one making all the decisions. I’m no longer the boss.Heis.”

Michelle nods. Does she understand? How could she? “That must feel very new to you.”

“Yes, but it’s–it’s wonderful!”

“Yet there’s something worrying you?” she asks, reading me perfectly. “And that’s why you’re here?”

I sigh and bury my face in my palms. I almost wish Damien were here. He would know what to say. He would know how to fix this for me.

But this is not his problem to fix; it’s mine.

“This huge Hong Kong deal,” I say. “If it goes through–and it looks like it will–will mean I will be traveling constantly for at least a year. I may even end up living there temporarily.”

“Which would put a strain on this new relationship of yours.”

Michelle smiles kindly at me, and I feel a temporary sense of relief. She does understand.

Some of the panic begins to leave me, but it is instantly replaced by more emotion. My jaw quivers, and I feel the urge to cry swell up within me again, but I push it aside by taking another drink.

“I don’t know what’s happened to me, Michelle,” I admit. “I worked my entire life for this company. This deal could make me Forbes’ Top Businesswoman in the country, and yet all I want now is stay at home for Damien and do what he tells me to do.”

“Alice–”

“No more meetings, no more conference calls,” I say emphatically. “Just me spending my life doing everything I can to please Damien. Is there something wrong with that? Should I not feel this way? Because I don’t know what to do!”

For the first time since we met, I see Michelle take a serious pause to think. She looks up ever so slightly before she responds. “Alice, I have to admit I am a little shocked to hear this from you.”

“I don’t blame you.” I nearly laugh.

“You’ve always said how much success and your career meant to you,” she continues. “Do you really want to throw it all away now? Because as your therapist, it’s my job to remind you that when a new relationship begins, it can be overwhelming. Our primal instincts and emotions can overpower us, and we can end up making decisions that we might look back on and wonder why we made them.”

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