Page 8 of Worth the Risk

I scrunch my nose at the sentiment. Not because I’m judging but because I wish for one damn second of my life I had that kind of attitude. Had I really analyzed my relationship with Noah after even six months, I’d have seen that we weren’t right for each other, but I wanted it to work.

I needed it to work. Because he was the one I chose. The one I thought was my happily ever after while Austin was the business risk. At least that’s what I convinced myself back then. Noah was safe. He wanted the white picket fence and the family in the suburbs. He wasn’t making risky business decisions and charming random women on the subway.

That excitement I felt when Austin first spoke to me on the train, his bold outgoing personality was doing exactly what hehad crafted it to do. It pulled me in. And somewhere along the way I told myself that excitement and intrigue like that don’t last forever.

“And the new date, where’d you meet her?”

“Running the lakefront. She’s a lawyer too actually—said starting her morning with a vigorous workout has been life-changing.” Stupidly, I feel a pang of jealousy when I have no right to because I’ve blown off Austin’s invites to go running for years, claiming I have no time as an attorney when the reality is, I could have made time like she does.

At first my excuse was born out of a general hatred for running. I had tried to pick it up in college, even joining a few classmates in a running club once a month for several weeks, but it was never my thing. But as time has gone on, even if I had been interested in joining him, it wasn’t worth the fight it would likely cause with Noah. And lying to him about it was out of the question.

“What does she look like?” I regret the question as soon as I say it. I sound jealous, no way around it, but he doesn’t seem to hear me because he doesn’t answer me. He sits up with a smile, like he’s replaying the memory of meeting her in his head.

“I had just finished a few quick miles and was watching the sunrise when she stopped to watch it with me. We made small talk and exchanged numbers so I’m taking her out tomorrow night.”

“That’s romantic.” My heart flutters because it really does sound like the beginning of a movie. “Two strangers sharing a single moment between just them in the middle of a huge city. Sounds like true love if you ask me.” I wriggle my eyebrows at him, making him laugh.

“You know”—he glances down, smoothing his hand over his flat stomach—“some people would say that about how we met.” When he looks back up at me, he has that smirk. The one that’salways managed to snake its way into my thoughts and wrap itself around my brain, squeezing any rational thoughts from it at the most inconvenient times—like right now.

“Oh yes.” I join him in laughter, shaking my head as if it will dislodge the thought of him. “I forget how romantic the train can be. The smell of stale urine and the ever-present threat of being accosted if it’s just you and someone else in the car.”

His smile fades, his laugh tapering off too as his gaze drifts from mine. “Yeah, I guess you’re right; it wasn’t the most ideal setting when we met. What about you? Noah whisking you away for some romantic weekend getaway? Or hey, maybe even a date if he’s feeling generous?” His tone has an edge.

“Austin…” I don’t have to verbalize what he knows I’m going to say. What I always say to him about Noah. “I’m really not in the mood today.”

We’ve had this conversation before over the years, more times than I care to count actually. And while deep down I know Austin is right, that I shouldn’t have had to beg and fight tooth and nail with my boyfriend to take me on a date or spend some quality time with me, I don’t think I’m ready yet to face that reality. To accept the fact that a man I loved, a man I gave everything to over the last several years, cared so little about me. And even harder to swallow… I stayed.

“Right, because it’s never a good time to ask your partner for the bare minimum.” I stare at him with a pleading look. “Anyway…” He pushes himself up from the couch. “I will let you get back to burying yourself in work like you do every weekend.” He pauses when he reaches the door, his eyes finding mine again. “You know, Tay, you can’t use being a workaholic as an excuse for someone not spending quality time with you if they’re never actually trying to spend time with you. At some point, you’re giving them an excuse so that you don’t have to face the reality of their priorities.”

It’s a good thing he closes my door behind him because giant tears start to drop one by one from my eyes onto my desk. I wipe at them furiously, anger building in my chest at the truth of his words.

Then that thought creeps into my brain… the one I’ve had before but pushed aside the second it entered my head. The thought I won’t allow myself to consider because the risk is too high.

The thought that has secretly haunted me for years.

The thought that has tormented me with guilt every time I’d look into Noah’s eyes.

What if I had chosen Austin five years ago?

CHAPTER 4

Austin

“Did you always want to be a lawyer?”

“No.” Mia, my date, smiles, the edges of her blue eyes crinkling. “I actually wanted to be a welder.”

“Seriously?” She laughs, nodding her head as she covers her mouth politely after taking a bite of her salmon. “Well, now I have to hear the story.”

“My dad is one, has been my entire life. He loves his job and both of my brothers followed in his footsteps. Since I was the youngest and always on my brothers’ heels, I just thought oh, this is what I’ll grow up to do too.” She laughs, shaking her head.

“Now that’s something I’d like to see.” I smile back. “You in one of those big face shields, sparks flying all around you. I bet you’d intimidate the shit out of the men near you.”

“Doubtful.” She rolls her eyes. “Even in the courtroom when I kick their asses, they can’t admit defeat.” If Taylor were here, I can imagine her and Mia launching into an entire conversation right now about life as a woman in the legal world. “Anyway, my dad and brothers both talked me out of being a welder. Not because they didn’t think I could do it, but because they didn’t want me subjected to that world.”

She pushes her long blond hair away from her shoulder. It’s almost the same exact color as Taylor’s, so golden and shiny against her pale skin, it makes her icy-blue eyes stand out. It was the first thing I noticed about her, the first thing I noticed about Taylor as well.

“I have no doubt that if you did go into that field, you would have kicked ass in it as well.”

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