This is stupid.Tell her to undo it.
“I actually thought of it the second I saw the comment,” she says, placing her phone into her purse.
“I was joking; it’s just the alcohol.” I lift my empty tumbler, saying just enough to ease my conscience but knowing damn well I’m going to let it play out and see what happens. “I should, however, head home before I stupidly decide showing up to her apartment is a good idea.” I toss more than enough bills on the bar to cover the tab along with a generous tip.
“Some might say that’s romantic.” She slides down from her stool and links her arm through mine as we walk out of the bar.
“And some might say it’s desperate and pathetic.”
She turns to face me just as her car pulls up. “For the record, I don’t think you should give up. I think love is always worth the risk. Even if it makes you seem desperate and pathetic.” She rolls her eyes, using air quotes.
“Thanks.” I smile. “I’m glad we were both able to let some things out tonight. It felt good.”
“Me too.” I walk her toward the car and open the door for her, letting her slide in.
“But word to the wise. There’s no investment that’s risk proof. Love has always been worth it for you so far, but you have no idea what kind of risk you’re taking in the future. What you stand to lose with the next person or by going back to your ex to ask for a second chance.”
Her hand darts out so I can’t close the door. “Why not? What’s the worst that can happen—a broken heart?”
“No.” I shake my head. “A broken heart can heal. It’s having to live the rest of your life knowing they didn’t think you were worth the risk.”
“But aren’t you taking a risk either way? You risk never having her because you’re too afraid.”
“I can’t lose what I’ve never had, Mia.” It’s a raw confession, one I hadn’t even made to myself before now. That’s the real fear. It’s never been a question of risk or worth to me. It’s always been the fear that I’d lose what access I have to her now if she doesn’t feel the same. The dynamic would shift and most likely our friendship would cease to exist. But even I know it’s only a matter of time before I break.
Her eyes glisten with the threat of fresh tears, a sad smile tugging at her lips as she mulls over my answer.
“I’d rather live knowing I tried than with regret knowing I didn’t.” And with that, she shrugs and reaches out to close thedoor, leaving me on the sidewalk, wondering if I have it all completely wrong.
I sling my suit coat over my shoulder, lost in thought as I walk aimlessly down the block. Mia’s words echo through my brain and before I realize it, I’m standing outside Taylor’s building. I stare up at the high-rise, dozens of windows glowing with televisions and overhead lights.
I stop, pulling my phone out to look at her account again. This time, I watch the video she posted earlier, the one I pressured her to. I read the caption:When work daddy says you have to be a good girl.
If she had said those words to me in her office, there would be no boundaries left between us. I wouldn’t have just crossed the line; I would have sprinted so far fucking past it there would be no confusion about my intentions.
“Fuuuck,” I groan, trying to talk myself out of walking inside. I scroll through a few comments when one that has more likes than any other catches my eye.
The way he looks at you is going to get all of us pregnant.
My cock stirs, an insatiable craving building in my balls. I click the comment, reading through dozens of replies, hoping to see one from Taylor but there isn’t. Maybe she hasn’t seen it yet. I put my phone back into my pocket, walking up to her building without a clue what the hell I’m going to say when she opens the door.
“Good evening, sir. Can I call someone down for you?”
I glance over at the doorman, a questioning smile on his face. I don’t recognize him. Not surprising since the last time I came to her building to get her was close to four years ago. It was a company event, all of us going to a summer concert at Wrigley Field after signing our largest client to date. Pretty soon after that, Noah moved in with her and that put an end to any outside work hangouts.
“Yes, please. Taylor Harrington.” I run my hands nervously through my hair before rifling through my pocket for a breath mint. Then it hits me. Maybe she moved somewhere else when they broke up. This might not even be where she lives anymore.
“I’m sorry, sir.” He smiles apologetically. “I’m not getting an answer at her unit. Would you like to leave her a message?”
I glance down at my watch; it’s half past nine on a Monday night.
There’s no way she’s gone to bed this early.
“No, no, thank you.” I offer a wave and make my way back outside, a sick feeling settling in my stomach at the thought of where she might be at this hour.
Maybe I’m more fucked up in the head about it than I realize as an image of her laughing at some asshole’s unfunny joke sours my stomach further. Maybe she’s doing what Mia was attempting to do with me, get over one guy by getting under the next. Jealousy burns through my chest.
I look up just as a cab turns onto the street. “Hey!” I hold up my hand, jogging across the intersection as the driver slows and I climb into the back. “Thanks.” I give my address and lean back against the seat, letting my gaze wander out the window.