Page 52 of Worth the Risk

“Either way, it doesn’t matter because right before you got here, he texted me saying he was sorry and it was a mistake.”

“What?” Her voice echoes through the room.

“Our talk yesterday didn’t end too great. I don’t want to go into details, but I think his feelings were hurt when he found out some information.”

“He’s just being difficult. He probably wants to feel like you actually want him since it sounds like he’s been the one pursuing you.”

I look at her suspiciously. “Did he tell you to say that?”

“No, I’m just taking a guess. Look, I’ve always known he had a thing for you, even before you told me about almost kissing years ago. But seeing him with you yesterday, it’s clear it’s not just a crush.”

“I know that,” I say after several seconds of silence, finally admitting to myself that I know he’s falling for me. “And that’s what scares me. I’m not sure I’m emotionally ready to fall againand I know that if he kisses me even one more time, I’m going to be so irrevocably screwed.”

“Screwed because you’ll be in love or screwed like literally?”

“Yes and yes.” I laugh but it fades quickly, remembering the way he looked at me in the car yesterday. “He sees right through me.”

“Austin?”

I nod. “It’s scary.”

“Because it’s vulnerable.” I nod in agreement. “I understand the apprehension. It can feel very scary to let someone else see every part of you.”

“That’s the crazy part. It’s things I thought I was hiding from him.” She gives me a knowing look, one that saysduh, because he’s in love with you.But I’m not ready to hear those words yet. “It’s also scary because the last time I let someone in…” I shake my head, tears threatening to fall.

“Is it the lack of closure?”

“What do you mean?”

“You haven’t opened up too much about how things ended between you and Noah. I know you made the choice to walk away, but you also mentioned that it left you with a lot of unanswered questions.”

“Yeah.” I nod, staring off into space. “Maybe closure is the right word. It’s not feelings that linger anymore but—he left like I never even mattered to him. Like he wasn’t even surprised or sad.”

“You wanted him to fight for you.”

“I think so.”

“Would it have changed anything?”

“Probably not but at least it would have been something. God, even if he had yelled at me or told me to go to hell, but just a shrug? It felt like such a letdown. Like I fought so hard and so long for something that he couldn’t have cared less about.It’s hard to see someone you never thought would, look right through you like you never mattered.”

I can feel my frustration and confusion beginning to snowball. I hate feeling this way. Like a child who can’t let something go. As if hearing him say the words that I meant nothing or wasn’t worth fighting for will somehow ease the pain and make it better.

“Your feelings are valid—if that makes a difference. But at some point, you’re going to have to deal with those emotions and find closure so you can move on and be happy.”

I sigh, leaning back against my kitchen island. “I miss hanging out with him—Austin, I mean. Back when we first started the firm, we’d hang out outside of work, but then it transitioned into him sitting on my couch every Friday before we left the office.”

“Another thing you had to hide from Noah,” she reminds me. “Why not start there? Invite him to yoga with you Tuesday night.”

“He doesn’t do yoga; he runs.”

“Fine, go running with him.”

“I’ll invite him to yoga,” I agree, really not loving the idea of panting and sweating my way down Lake Shore Drive.

She checks her phone, then snatches the pastry box from the counter. “I’m going to head back home. Hector should be off by now and he would kill for the rest of the donuts.”

“Well, thanks for stopping by.” I give her a hug. “And for the advice. I know you hate hearing about Noah still.”

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